Harry Potter and the Asian Invasion
by Just Kiddin
Summary: Randomness ensues as Hogwarts is slowly torn down by two best friends having the time of their lives. Did we mention that both are Asian? Live, laugh, and love with these new additions to J.K. Rowling's world of magic. R&R!
1. Algebra, Combat Boots, and A Letter

**7/07/08 (aka Ichigo's birthday in the Western Hemisphere) Jodie's Note: WHEEEEE!! THIS IS THE UPDATED AND REWRITTEN CHAPTER 1. THE ORIGINAL CORNINESS HAS BEEN TONED DOWN (i hope) AND IT'S LENGTHENED CONSIDERABLY. ENJOY!! _why are you yelling, Jodie?_ CUZ I FEEL LIKE IT...!! PS. WOW!! IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS I THINK SINCE WE STARTED WRITING THIS STORY...WE UPDATE WAY TOO SLOW, BUT IF YOU READ CLOSELY, YOU CAN SEE OUR WRITING STYLE HAS CHANGED CONSIDERABLY (for the better I hope)**

Authors' Note: The ideas in this fanfic are shared by me (that's Jodie to you) and my friend, Karen _that's me!! _(yah, she's in the italicized words). This is our first fanfic so if you're gonna criticize us, pls, pls, pls, do it nicely _Yeah, or I'll kick your sorry butt._. This will be a relatively looooooong story which means it will take forever to finish due to the speed we will prolly update (full super turtle speed ahead!). This starts in my point of view_ aka, my friend Jodiiiieeeeeeeee!! Karen's Note: Enjoy!! Go s'mores and lavender and cheese and cellos and-and-and- _So have at it!!_ and tell us what you think. Hahaha…Karen gets the last word_ and ignore the italicized words_ :P meanie-poopie-head_ sigh shakes head _HA!_

_Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, or Ron Weasley (not that we ever wanted to 'cuz he's ugly but…yeah), or Hermione Granger (which is a shame since she's the cooliest witch evah!), or anything else that J K Rowling made up… kk people?_

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We all start out as a cell. As the secrets of life infuse our tiny bodies, we develop into an embryo. Eventually, we become the mighty fetus…fingernails and all. Then, if you were a good person in your past life, you might find yourself the child of a wealthy, kind, and considerate family of two parents and maybe an older sibling. Sure, the parents might be divorced, but life is good. If you lived a life of sin in your past life, you will be the child of…well, an Asian family. And YOU will be the older sibling (dammit!). And no matter how much you want them to separate, "divorce" is not a word in the Chinese dictionary. Well, it is, but generally it's shunned into a little corner by other words, like "honesty", "obedience", and above all, "academic excellence". So what am I suppose to do when I find myself with a test paper with a giant, red B+ written, circled, and underlined on the top right hand corner? Oh wait...let's take out a dictionary:

B+- (bee-plus)-n.- Death by Electric Glares (Oh dears...)

So here I was, on Death Row, scheduled to cease to exist in the ten minutes it took to walk home from school. At my moment of pure need and vulnerability, I had only one person I could turn to.

"Serves you right, Jodie. You could've gotten an A if you wanted to. But you didn't care to, so it's your own fault, you know."

Okay…I had no one to turn to.

"Geez, I can't help that school's too easy. I can't focus. Especially when you're blasting your Zen at full power when we're studying." I retorted, scuffling my feet against the sidewalk.

"Music stimulates my brain." My neighbor (and best friend, though you wouldn't know by the conversation flying around right now) , Karen, looked up at the sky in self-holy--ness.

"Sure it does…that's why you barely made it to an A-. And if you just turned down the volume so I could have actually heard my own iPod, let alone my brain thinking, I could've gotten the A+ I wanted. You suck, Karen."

"I wouldn't be talking, O Retarded One."

I hated Algebra. With all of those x's and exponents and twists when the answer is probably along the lines of "no Real number", sometimes, you just can't be bothered. I trudged up the steps to my house only to hear the sound of my dog, Eskie, barking and scratching at the door like it was the end of the world, and then trudged up some more stairs to my room in silence (thank God for working mothers and business-busy fathers). I plugged myself into my iPod, took out a well-thumbed Bleach manga, and tried to forget that throwing my test into the trash wouldn't stop my parents from finding out.

After 30 minutes of self-denial and Ichigo's bad boy but 23rd smartest in the school (that stung…) hotness, I decided to surrender to society's attempt at brainwashing innocent children…homework. I got up, took out my papers, picked up a pencil, ...and felt something wet hit my head.

I froze and looked up.

For some insane reason, there was an owl hanging onto the top of my window sill. Without thinking, I swore expressively and tried to grab it. If you've ever tried to grab an owl (Karen: No, Jodie, most people aren't that stupid.) (Jodie: Shuttup, Karen…I was under stress, 'kay?) then you know that they don't take kindly to human fingers and tend to hit people with their ridiculously large wings. Not to mention drop nasty stuff on people's heads. Shit. I looked around for a Kleenex to get the nasty stuff out of my hair when I saw a letter that decidedly wasn't there before. I looked at the green, fancy writing on it, and after deciding that it wasn't going to blow up anytime soon, opened it.

"_Dear Ms. Jody Chang _(my god, there goes the spelling of my name again)

_Please remain calm and read this explanation as we relay to you things that you have never known of before this time. _(-blink- -blink-…was that even proper English?)

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and would like to explain to you our purpose. We are a magical community that has existed hidden and exclusive to those of magical powers. The Ministry of Magic has decided to create an experiment to test if those of non-magical peoples have a hidden talent for magic. As you are of the 15__th__ year of age and of Muggle_ (-pause-…wait, that sounds familiar…)_ descent, you have been selected to engage_ _in this experiment. We will have someone retrieve your person tonight at eleven o'clock and bring you safely to Hogwarts._

It was signed with a flourish. For a moment of utter silence, I just sat there. Then the phone rang, cutting into my tai chi quietness. I looked at the caller ID and proceeded to pick it up gingerly.

"OMIGAWD, OMIGAWD, OMIGAWD!!"

"Hello to you too, Karen."

"You have NO idea what just happened to me!!"

"Of course, I don't. But you don't know what happened to me either. In other words, shut up and listen," I cut in hurriedly and relayed all that had occurred in the last ten minutes minus the stupidity of me trying to catch an owl (I mean seriously, there's no need to bother her with insignificant details of my carelessness brought on by lack of sleep), "…and so I picked up the phone, and heard you shouting your head off. I know, I know. Whatever you were gonna say surely could've been interesting and maybe even important, but I think we should focus on whatever stinkin' hallucination is trying to mess with my brain right now. Okay?" There was a pause, and then…

"What the hell?! That's not fair!! I thought I was the only one to get the letter! Gawd, Jodie, why d'you have to spoil everything?"

…

…

…

After a couple hundred eye blinks, I unfroze my tongue long enough to say, "My hallucinations are worsening. I believe that I imagined you said that you ALSO got a psycho stalker letter. And, oh, the reaction from you that I'm receiving, (in this painful and terrible hallucination, of course) is too happy pixie unicorny for my taste. And you know what? My first thought is to start freaking my head off, because someone is holding a grudge against me, and has suddenly decided to test the distance between me and insanity, which you know is already way too close for comfort!"

"Well, OF COURSE I'm excited," she said, speaking slowly as if to a stupid, "Do you have any idea what this is?!" Her voice crescendoed and sped up, "This is HOGWARTS for the love of Pete!! Can you believe it?! It's actually real!!"

Not getting her point, I sat on my bed thinking. "Hogwarts...I've heard that somewhere before."

And just as my eyes strayed to my bookshelf, I heard Karen's exasperated sigh echoing through the phone, "Hello?! Earth to Jodie! Where've you been!? Remember, J.K Rowling, dude with a scar on his forehead, a million dollar franchise with little action figures that wave sticks around? Dinging any bell?"

"Oh right...that Hogwarts."

I heard Karen snigger, "Hahaha --gigglesnortbellylaughsmirkgiggleagain-- that took you long enough."

"But...you don't actually believe in all this, do you?!"

Another sigh came from her end of the phone, "Jayzus. This is gonna take a while…wait a sec. I'm coming over." Before she hung up, I caught a static mumbling about something to do with gravitationally challenged, mentally challenged. As if someone as short as me, could be stupid. Huh, all the energy that didn't go to my height went to my brain you know. (That's why short people are smart.)

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When I heard my dog barking its head off, I looked out my bedroom window to see Karen bouncing up and down on our doorstep. Seeing that she was currently in a must-come-in-or-will-bounce-to-death mood, I strolled leisurely out of my room, and walked slowly down the stairs, taking a minute every now and then to appreciate the fascinating paintings we hung by the stairs (ah, art). By the time I actually got the the door and opened it, Karen was bouncing off the walls, dressed in full out girl's-gonna-kick-some-butt style, you know, skull-cap, cami, combat boots, all in shades of glaring lavender and white. She bounced in before I could react and grabbed my arm, bouncing me up the stairs (ignoring the fascinating paintings. She's got no taste in the arts, ya know), and into my room (almost pulling my arm out of its socket while she was at it). After some rummaging through my bookshelf, she took down my abused (as in well borrowed and un-well used, courtesy of Karen, the book molester) copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and flipped to page 51.

"Look!" she said. There, underneath the letter that Harry received was the exact same signature on our own letters. "Minerva McGonagall." Karen scrutinized my reaction. "Well? It makes sense right? You believe me right? Right?! RIGHT?!"

"Weeeeell… I think someone's been drinking too much Jamba Juice and all that frozen slush has replaced that someone's sense of reason. I mean, what was left of it, anyways.."

Another sigh. "Aww, come on, Jodie!! Why don't we just wait for eleven o'clock and find out if this retriever guy does come! Then we'll know if this is all just a hoax or if we're really going to Hogwarts (YEYYY!), which we are, duh, since I'm always right," Karen said as she bounced on my bed.

Apparently, sighing is contagious as I felt one shudder through me too. It was either that or have her bug me the whole night, something I really couldn't stand on a night like this (Though don't tell her that. It's bad to boost her ego. It's already so big that if I do, she might explode. No, really.) I expected my mom wouldn't be home till morning and my dad was off in Asia somewhere talking to old bald people in business suits, so it wouldn't hurt to be held hostage by Karen for the night. "Fine. But if this is all just some stupid practical joke, I'm blaming you when I fail tomorrow's science test."

"Don't worry! You go ahead and sleep if you want, I'll wake you up when the golden retriever comes! WHEEE!"

...7:00 PM...

-munchmunch- "Hey, Karen? You hungry? Karen? Oh wait, you fell asleep..."

...9:30 PM...

"MUAHAHAHA!!" -picksupsharpieanddrawsmustachesandbunniesandsquiggliesalloverherface-

...10:57 PM...

"OUCH! Karen? Um, Karen? Your foot's in my face. KAREN?!" I tried to push her over a bit. I pushed harder, then gave up. She sleeps like a rock, literally.

_BEEPITYBEEP!!BEEPITYBEEP!_

Karen, jolted awake, jerked involuntarily (or so she claims, but it must've been accidentally on purpose as her foot smooshed my face against the wall) and struggled to sit up. ""Wazzat?" Karen grumbled groggily, as she tried to smacked at the stupid alarm clock as if trying to make it disappear.

"It's just our stupid alarm clock that tells us it's 10:57." I bolted up. "Omigod. It's 10:58."

"Actually, it is now 10: 59," cut in Ms. Smarty-Lavender-Pants. Pause. She muttered under breath, fully awake, foot in proper position (away from my face) "five...four...three...two...one..."

"Ah………okay?" After another second or two, I looked at Karen, and said accusingly, "See? I told you so! But nooooooo, you just wouldn't listen. Seriously Karen, it's not rea—"

_BANG!_

"OMIGAWD IT'S DUMBLEDORE!!"

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Authors' Note: BWAHAAHAHA!! Cliffy time!! Now, here's where we're going to explain some things. We are entering Harry and co. 6th year. We have privy info about everything, including Harry and Ginny's little thing, but we aren't going to use that information...noooooo...we wouldn't do that XDDDD


	2. Secret Talents, Throwing Up, and A Dog

Karen's Note: Hiya peeps. It's Karen here, at your service. I _know_ Jodie makes me all whiny in her chapter (_Jodie:_ _I do NOT!!!!!)_, so I get to make her have a mental breakdown. BUAHAHAHA!!!! EVIL KAREN!!!!! Well, anyways, for those of you who don't know, Jodie is ticklish. Yeah. So the next time you see her, TICKLE HER!!!!!!!! WHOOO!!! Oh yeah, you don't know what she looks like so you can't tickle her...Awww…Okay… Um…(--awkward silence--) Hi. Can I help you? --gigglefartgigglesnortprodlaughticklecackle-- I know I don't make any sense, but that's just me being me so, ROCK ON PPL!!!!! And I know I rock and you know it too (_Jodie: Yeah, right. --snort--)_!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!! GO KAREN!!!!!!!!! (Oh yeah, and if you don't get the whole "that's so bubbly" thing, go read the book Pretties.) _Jodie's Note: Just to make things clear…I've NEVER had a mental break down before and probably never will and everything in here is completely fictitious (did I spel it rite?)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. Oh yeah, except me. (Thankfully.) Oh, and I also own JODIE AND ALL THE SMORES AND-AND CELLOS AND CHOCOLATE AND LAVENDER STUFF IN THE WORLD!! BUAHAHAHAHA!!!! I wish…Hmph. Well, anyways, if I lost you in the whole "I own everything" part, I still don't own nothing (sadly.) I know. Feel so sorry for Karen. sob Well, no need to dwell on unhappy things…………………... BOOYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!_

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BANG!

"OMIGAWD IT'S DUMBLEDORE!!!!!!!!" screamed Jodie (though she'll never admit it because she says she doesn't _scream_, she _yells_ in a high-pitched voice. --snort-- Yeah, right.)

There in front of us stood the one and only…(--drum roll--)…Dumbledore (!!!), in all his white bearded, long nosed glory. He also had that black, burnt, shriveled hand of his. (Bleargh…Ewww…) He also looked a whole lot more tired and old and wrinkly than he did in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire… A sudden thought crossed my mind.

"Jodie, just a thought, ummm…is the old dude in front of us the real Dumbledore, as in the Dumbledore described in the book by J. K. Rowling just he's come back from the dead, or is he the fake Dumbledore, as in that dude who acts as Dumbledore but just now he has been brainwashed and thinks he is the real Dumbledore?" I whispered urgently to her. "Just a thought…" I said, my voice trailing off as I actually looked at Jodie's face.

Jodie did not respond to me, as she was currently in a state of self-denial. She was whispering to herself, "It's not real, it's not real, it's not real. Jodie, this is just a dream. Or maybe it's a mirage. Maybe it'll…disappear. Just make it go away. Karen, make it go away!"

As she said this, she shook me repeatedly while never taking her eyes off of Dumbledore.

"God Jodie, let go of me," I said, pulling myself from her grasp. "Chill. Sheesh. It's just Dumbledore. Remember that letter we both got? Well, obviously, he's come to take us back to Hogwarts." I looked at him and said, "Right?"

"Well, yes, of course. Why else would I be here?" Dumbledore stated, slightly bemused.

Self-realization struck me. (--hit-- Owww…) _OMG! HE'S DUMBLEDORE AND HE'S TAKING ME --- ERRR…US --- TO HOGWARTS!!!!!_ "Ha!" I exclaimed at Jodie. "Who told me he wasn't going to come? Huh? And who owes me five bucks? HA! Pay up you!"

Jodie, at this point, seemed to have pulled herself together and was mentally stable, at least enough to ignore me and be curious enough to ask, "Well, why'd you choose us? I mean, we aren't really special in any way or anything…Are we? Oooo, oooo! Oh yeah...probably, jsut like in those stories, I suddenly have a secret talent that I just don't know about, right? --snort-- yeah, right!"

I sighed. (Is it just me, or have I been doing a lot of sighing these past twenty-four hours?) Jodie, Jodie, Jodie. She definitely has sarcasm down to an art.) "Jodie, this is real. Stop kidding around. I really want to go to Hogwarts! That would be so totally bubbly! Just one question Professor Dumbledore, wait, can I call you Dumbly? Cool. Well anyways, why WERE we chosen?" (oooo…the CHOSEN ONES!!!!)

Jodie grumbled unhappily off in a corner, "I just said that…"

Dumbledore said to himself, "Dumbly? Hmm…Dumbly…Has a nice ring to it…Not to mention it makes me feel a few hundred years younger…What? Ah yes, well, the Ministry of Magic decided to look through the students in California and your school stood out, because it is so well known for its prestige among the Muggles, and then, we found _your_ records. You are said to be an extremely promising cello prodigy, while Miss Chiang here is said to be an accomplished first degree black belt. We don't have this-this-this kung-foo-"

"It's martial arts," Jodie mumbled under her breath.

If old Dumbly had heard her, he didn't make it apparent. He continued, "-subject that Muggles do, and we most certainly don't play instruments. I hope most sincerely that you two will help teach the other students at Hogwarts your wonderful talents. And then there are your grades. Ah, I saw with my own two eyes the smattering ofdelightful 'Outstanding's you both have. I noted that there were a few 'Acceptable's, but never mind those. You two must be brilliant students. Hogwarts is delighted and privileged to receive you both."

Meanwhile, a feverish whispered conversation was going on between Jodie and me.

" 'Outstanding'? I never got an 'Outstanding'!!! We don't even use 'Outstanding's!!!"

" ' Outstanding'….Hmm…Oh! I've got it! He's thinks zeroes are O's for 'Outstanding'!"

"And A's are only 'Acceptable' to him…That explains a lot…We do have a lot of zeroes…Well, what do we do now?!!"

"Should we go tell him?"

"We can't just go tell him. Then we won't be able to go to Hogwarts!!! And I really, really, really want to go!!!"

"I know, we just won't tell. I won't tell if you won't. Deal?"

"Deal."

We did our trademark secret handshake to seal the deal. (--pinkieshaketwistslapclasphandsjumpupanddownboingboingboing--) The deal is whoever breaks our promise either gets secret weapon-ed or kung-foo-ed. I like it. Simple. Easy to remember. (Haha! Captain Jack! Am I a genius, or am I a genius?)

I glanced at Dumbledore. He wore a confused look on his face. Jodie and I seem to produce this reaction in a lot of people. I wonder why….

"What should we say??" I asked.

"I don't know. You do it," whispered Jodie.

"No, you do it!!" I whispered.

"No, YOU do it!!!" she yelled-whispered back.

I was pretty sure that if I didn't agree right then and there, Jodie'd kung-foo me, and I'd have to resort to my secret weapon. I didn't really want to do that in front of old Dumbly, as he was the one who was to bring us to Hogwarts AND he was the headmaster of Hogwarts. But any other day…LET ME AT HER!!!!!

"Grr…Fine. I'll do it. --mumblestupidmumbleungratefullittlegrumble--"

I put on that disarming angelic, turned to Dumbledore and said, "Yes, we do have great records, don't we?"

Dumbledore, the poor confused thing, said, "Erm…yes, of course…"

"Well, what are we waiting for? We've wasted enough time all ready, let's go!" I chirped happily. This time, I didn't have to fake excitement.

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Obviously, we Apparated to Hogwarts. I mean, if we didn't, this wouldn't be Harry Potter at all. Dumbledore told us little liars to grab onto his arms, and away we went!! It felt like one of those roller coasters where you sit in a teacup and it spins you around and around until you can't tell up from down and the sky from the ground (or in Jodie's words, "I see purple elephants!!!"), just this rollercoaster was just way out of control. (Wheeeee!!!! Spin, spin, spin!!!!! WHOOOoooo…ooo…not…feeling…too… good…ughhh…) I love roller coasters, and I pride myself in never throwing up. Apparating isn't a roller coaster, so it DOES NOT (!!) count. (Jodie: hehe...yes it does.)

After Jodie finished laughing her head off at me throwing up and I gained back some of my much hurt dignity, we realized that we were standing in the courtyard of Hogwarts. There were majestic trees around the courtyard, with the occasional owl flying above us. The old and proud castle towered over us, grand and inviting. Oh yeah, and there were about a hundred people staring at us. (Yeah. Great way for me to make a first impression, huh?

Jodie saw them and immediately blocked me form their view and said to them, waving them away, "Yeah people, nothing to see here. Just move on. Nothing to see hear, but a girl puking up her dinner".

We strode across the courtyard to Dumbledore's headquarters, me and Jodie hiding behind the shadow and charismatic aura of the great Headmaster Dumbledore. Because we were with him, no one bothered (aka laughed at) us. I have a feeling it would have been a whole different situation without him. Dumbledore led us through the many hallways and winding, not to mention moving, staircases, until we ended up in front of the two incredibly revolting-looking gargoyles with squashed noses and eyes that stuck out to the point that they almost looked like they were going to pop out. Yep. They were the guardians of the entrance to Dumbledore's office. I heard Jodie whisper "Ewww….", which is amazing because she has a little brother that does all the nasty things a little brother does, so you can imagine how ugly they were.

"Acid pop," Dumbledore stated imperiously.

The gargoyles sneered at us, making them even more ugly (if that was even possible,) bowed to Dumbledore, and moved aside, revealing a winding staircase that went up and up and up some more. We stepped onto the steps, Jodie and I squished together on one step ("Owww, Jodie, that's my foot!!!" "Sorry!!!" "No, Jodie, that's my ankle!!!!!!!"), and Dumbledore on a step in front of us. The staircase suddenly jerked upwards, almost sending me falling down the long, long way to the ground. (--gulp-- Scary…) After that, I clung to Jodie's arm. ("God Karen, let go!!! You're cutting off my blood circulation!!!) Amazingly, Dumbledore still managed to look regal and dignified despite all this bravado. I just don't get how he does it. We ended up looking into Dumbledore's interesting headquarters, complete with weird-looking shiny objects and a smoking cauldron with shimmering contents in one corner. Over there on the shelf was the Sorting Hat. Boy, did it look ugly and old, that's for sure. There was just one thing missing…

Fawkes swooped in out of nowhere, dazzling and entrancing us with his iridescent feathers of deep scarlet and gold, to land on Dumbledore's arm.

"Ahhh, there you are Fawkes. I'd like you to meet Karen and Jodie. They are to be the new exchange students for the experiment," Dumbledore said to the stunning phoenix.

Fawkes peered at us with his bottomless blue eyes that seemed to be able to look into our very souls, lifted his head, and sang a single, pure note towards the ceiling that reverberated around the room. It was so sweet it seemed to touch the very center of my being and my heart ached with the beauty of it. When the last whispers of the note died away and Fawkes once again settled his serene gaze on us, Dumbledore smiled.

"Fawkes thinks you will do well," said Dumbledore. "I knew my choices were well made."

Much to my embarrassment, I blushed at the praise, knowing full well I did not have abundant 'Outstanding's, while Jodie mumbled something incoherent and scuffed her shoe on the ground. We were both in the same boat. I could hear a little tune repeating over and over in my head going "Liar, liar, pants on fire." This was not a very good beginning to our school year. If this was how Hogwarts was going to feel, I'd rather stay home and not know about it at all. Home! My parents! How could I have forgotten?!!

"Omigawd, what about our parents?" I blurted out. "They'll be freaking out right now! What if they've all ready called the police!?!?"

"Well, about that…We, erm, well, we had to cast a spell on them," stated Dumbledore uncomfortably.

"What??!!! You cast a spell on MY PARENTS?!!! What for??!!! I'll give you 60 seconds to explain until I have Jodie kung-foo you!!! And it better be good," I exclaimed furiously.

Jodie was having a similar experience.

"Leave my parents out of this!!! I agreed to come to your school, not that you could BRAINWASH my PARENTS!!!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM???!!!!" Jodie shouted at old Dumbly, who was looking a little embarrassed and uncomfortable, and yet he still looked noble. (This whole noble/regal/dignified thing is getting to me. Maybe that's HIS secret weapon.)

Dumbledore said in a calm voice, "I understand why you are reacting the way you are and therefore I will not give you detention for shouting at the headmaster. However, it is curious to me why the thought of me hurting your parents ever crossed your mind. Would I really do that?"

Now it was Jodie and my turn to be embarrassed. I felt the redness and heat spread rapidly across my face and neck, until I was sure I was as red as Ron's hair. Jodie, on the other hand, had turned an interesting shade of hot pink.

"Well," she stuttered, "they are our parents…"

"Exactly," replied Dumbledore. "So why would I hurt them?"

"Erm…" I mumbled.

"Erm…" Jodie agreed.

"We…Maybe…sigh Sorry. I think the whole 'Hogwarts is real' thing is getting to us," I said sadly.

"Yeah, what she said," said Jodie, nodding forlornly.

"Could you…explain what exactly _did_ you do to them then?" I asked hesitantly.

"Why, of course," Dumbledore replied amiably. "A group of wizards from the Ministry of Magic simply cast a spell over the necessary people which made them believe you were on a trip. They won't realize the amount of time of time you are gone, so they won't, as you put it, freak out."

"Who's in the category of 'necessary people'?" I asked, curious and skeptical.

"Well…almost everyone you know," said Dumbledore, uncomfortable yet again.

Jodie whistled. "That's a lot of people," she said.

"Where do they think we've gone?" I inquired.

"Well, wherever you were going to go next for school or a program or some event like that. Trust me, nobody will know you are gone. We will all be happy and content," said Dumbledore gently.

Apparently, happy and content rang a bell for Jodie.

"My dog! Eskie! What about him? Was HE included in the spell?? He will definitely notice if I'm gone for a whole year. Oh, my poor liddle baby…What'll we do?!!!" Jodie exclaimed.

Jodie usually doesn't get so emotional to the point of baby talk, but her dog's an exception. Whoever is between her and her dog, watch out. She'll kick some serious butt.

"Unfortunately, we did not include animals of any sorts in the spell, and we cannot remove it and cast it again. If we try to cast an individual spell on your dog, I'm afraid it will interfere with the other, larger spell. I'm sorry to say, there is nothing we can do," said Dumbledore.

"Oh yes you can. I won't let my dog die of depression while my family wonders what in the world is wrong with him!!! Let me bring him to Hogwarts. He can stay with me," Jodie stated with finality.

"Well, dogs aren't usually allowed on campus, I mean, after all, we must have standards of some sort…" Dumbledore said.

"Cats and frogs and owls are allowed!! What's wrong with a dog?" Jodie asked angrily.

"Well, you see, cats and frogs and owls don't bark," Dumbledore reminded Jodie.

"That's it!! If you don't let me keep my dog, I'm not going to stay here. I'll go home!!" Jodie stated, while I hoped fervently Dumbledore would allow Eskie to stay because I knew Jodie well enough to know that she would actually leave THE Hogwarts for her dog.

Dumbledore sighed. "All right," he said, "I will allow you to keep your Eskie here at Hogwarts. But he must act primly and listen."

"Deal," said Jodie.

I had to stifle a snort that was threatening to bubble out because, I mean, Eskie's just a _dog_. Since _when_ did dogs act _primly_???

I was venturous enough to ask, "If you're going to get Jodie's dog, will you get some of my things for me along the way?"

Dumbledore sighed again. Today was definitely not going the way he had planned it. Hey, he should have expected it. It's what Jodie and I do.


	3. Diplomatic Immunity, Lasagna, and A Frog

Jodie's Note: It's us again! Our poor reviews page is glaringly empty. (–sob-) Karen was so depressed that _she_ posted a review on it. (Go figure…I did try to explain that reviews so soon are rare…but….no, she didn't listen.)_ (Karen: I know I did. I know that I'm THAT desperate. AND…I'm not afraid to say so…so THERE!)_…anyways…review, review, review, people, or I'll have to put up with Karen's snivels again. (No offense, Karen.)_ (Karen: Much taken, meanie-poopie-head :P)_. So, enjoy the chapter!! Oh yeah, we felt bad for Emma Watson, because she had to be stuck with Rupert Grint (-gag-) as Ron, so OUR Ron (and Harry for that matter) are going to be waaaaaaaaaay better looking than in the movie. kk ppl?

_Disclaimer: We don't own ANYTHING…but I DO own my dog and the stuff Dumbledore will kindly bring over for us and Karen also owns the possessions SHE get's back…but…that's about it._

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After I was reassured over and over again that my dog would be taken care of and brought over safely, Karen and I followed Dumbledore out of his office and down a long corridor as he explained, "You two will be taken around and made comfortable by the students I have assigned to the job. Their task is to help you assimilate into daily life here at Hogwarts. Your task is to do whatever the instructors tell you to do…ah…within reason of course. In return, you will receive a monthly allowance of 40 galleons for the purchasing of necessities. You have also been granted a sort of… 'diplomatic immunity' by the Ministry of Magic. I dearly hope that you will not abuse that privilege." Seeing our blank faces, he said, "Diplomatic immunity indicates that you are not subject to the legal systems of this country. So, you will not be punished if you find yourself in…let us say…an uncomfortable position. The Ministry saw fit to give you this adequate protection and it is my task to see to it that you do NOT take advantage of it."  
We grinned evilly at each other.

"Of course we won't Mr. Dumbly! Whatever gave you THAT idea?" Karen asked innocently.

Old Dumbly gave us The Eyebrow and then continued to walk. As we kept on walking (and walking, and walking, and walking, and walking, as Karen was complaining,) Karen and I were discussing in whispers of how we could use this latest development. We were so busy conspiring---ahem---talking that we didn't realized that Dumbledore had stopped at an open door five yards back.

"Ah, Professor McGonagall? I'm sorry to intrude …" Dumbledore said into the room. He beckoned to someone inside and called out to us, "My dears? May I introduce you to Mr. Har---" He was abruptly silenced as we accidentally trampled him in our haste to get a glimpse of one of the three people next to him. One of the two boys, a lean seventeen year old with black hair and glasses, saw us approaching at a very fast pace and looked at us in alarm, but his expression changed from alarm, to relief, to slight annoyance and disappointment, and back to alarm when we skidded _past_ him and stopped in front of…

"HERMIONE!!! Oh my GOD, Jodie!! It's HERMIONE!!!" Karen screamed.

"I KNOW!!! I KNOW!!! I can't believe it. It's HER!!!" I screamed back.

Hermione stood there, uncomprehending during our sudden and unexpected outbursts. She glanced uncertainly at the boy who I guess must've been Harry Potter (though we didn't recognize him since he looked completely different from Daniel Radcliff.) He returned her glance with a confused look in his eyes.

"Hey, Hermione!!! You know…you're, like, my idol, man! I mean, you're, like, the COOLEST!! Hey! Can you sign my forehead?" I waved a Sharpie at her eagerly.

"Um…er…okay…" She looked at me, disoriented, the poor girl.

_THUD _(!!)

I glanced to the right, and my gaze was drawn down to the floor. "Uh…Karen? Helloooooo? Oh God. I think she fainted. Er…guys? We should probably take her to the nurses…ya know, the infirmary? Hey!! Where are you guys going!!?? You can't just leave!"

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Fifteen minutes later in the infirmary, Karen finally came to.

"Ooo, my head. Hey, Jodie! Ya know!? I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I actually met---OH MY GOD, its HERMIONE!!!!" She looked about to keel over again so I intervened quickly.

"Okay, Karen, calm…down…and…breathe," I instructed her.

"Oh, come off it! I'm fine!" she scoffed. "Hey!! You must be Harry! You know, you look a whole lot cuter than you do in the movies."

Harry stared.

The lanky, red-haired guy grumbled, "What's a movie?"

It seemed Ron didn't take being ignored very well considering the scowl on his completely-unlike-Rupert-Grint's-ugly-mug face.

Karen looked him up and down disdainfully. "It's a Muggle thing."

"Well now," Harry interrupted, "It's seems like you two know very well who we are, but we still have no idea who YOU are."

"Oh well, I can solve that problem." Karen chirped happily. "I'm Karen and this is Jodie. We're the people that the Ministry of Magic chose for the experiment."

"What experiment?" muttered Ron.

Hermione looked surprised. "Oh! I heard that the Ministry was going to do an experiment, which included Muggles, but I never knew it was really true. Dumbledore said that we're supposed to take you guys around the school and help you fit in."

Harry fidgeted and flashed a look at Ron. "Since you two and Hermione are getting along well, we believe that we're just, er, going to go fill out the schedule forms that McGonagall gave us so... Hermione has volunteered to take you guys around so, um, bye!"

He and Ron then promptly ran out of the room, leaving a bewildered Hermione with us.

"You are? I did? HEY! Where're you guys going!!??" She turned back to us, and smiled uncertainly. "Well, I'm sure you guys can show yourselves around. Just…you know…don't touch anything and…um…dinner is in the Great Hall when you hear the next bell, and…er…well, you guys can sit with us I guess."

With that, she _also _ran out of the room, leaving us a little hurt.

"Gosh. Couldn't they at least show some kind of…I dunno…hospitality?" I said.

"Well, what do you expect?" Karen replied. "We've arrived in a place we're not supposed to be, we are complete strangers, AND…umm, well, I think that's it."

"Ah…okay. So she told us not to touch anything? Like this?" I picked up a statue of an ugly frog with an ugly wart above his right eye and inspected it.

"Hey. Don't ask me," she said climbing out of the infirmary bed. "I have a feeling we should start looking for the Great Hall while it's early. It's not like they told us where it is."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I put down the ugly amphibian in distaste. "Look at the bright side!!! We're here at Hogwarts, we get free money, we've met Hermione Granger, and we've just been sucked into The Half Blood Prince! I mean, come on! Ain't that neat!?"

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Thirty minutes, five moving staircases ("Omigawd! Jodie!! It's moving!!! Ahhhhh!!! Whoa!!!! Jodie!!! Help me!!! … Now what?!!",) three trick steps ("My foot!! Agh!!!! It's stuck!! Karen, help me pull it out! Hey!! Come back here!! Where are you going?!! COME BACK HERE, YOUNG LADY! Don't you smirk at me! Oh, I'm soooo gonna hurt you when I get free!! KAREN!!!!!",) and one annoying portrait who kept trying to give us directions later, we arrived at the Great Hall, and God, was it an incredible sight. We've read all about the Great Hall and its enchanted ceiling, but that's nothing compared to actually _seeing_ it. It was a clear night and you could see the Milky Way and gazilliona of stars above us. The Hall must've been at least as wide as my house. It was GINORMOUS! Anyways, after walking around aimlessly among the already seated students and staring up at the ceiling with our mouths open and therefore banging into various objects and not to mention people (including each other,) while receiving many curious stares, we found Hermione and co. and plopped down next to them.

The food was already on the table and, boy, you've never seen food until you've seen THIS food. There was hot, steaming, buttermilk biscuits, covered in honey whip and caramel, plump red strawberries topped with whipped cream, and four humongous suckling pigs, each with a green (I thought they're supposed to be red…) apples in their open mouths . There was also six large plates of blanquette de veau flowing in a ocean of creamy white mushroom sauce (Ooo, I like frenchy food!), massive bowls of deep fried chunks of calamari (ewww…tentacles), and plates of crepes filled with hot, melting, milk chocolate, and blueberry jam. Talk about variety. Sadly, the only beverages available seem to be a couple of huge pitchers of iced tea, a couple of jugs of water, and a giant (wwhy is everything so big-a-sized…oh wait, their feeding the whole school…yeah…) vat filled with pumpkin juice. (Awwww….no soda?)

"Whoa!! _This_ is what you eat every day? How'd you guys stay so skinny?" Karen exclaimed while reaching for the salad tongs.

"Hey, Karen! Pass the lasagna." She looked at me. "What?! Unlike some people, I don't care if I eat carbs."

Ron looked at us in disgust. "Who said you guys could sit with us?"

Hermione and Harry elbowed him.

I accidentally dropped a piece of lasagna on his shirt and Karen accidentally stabbed him with her fork.

"We did, that's who. What are you people? The popular kids or something?" I retorted. "Unlikely. Oh yeah, and Hermione said it was okay, so there. Sheesh."

Ron glared at Hermione, who looked guiltily at her untouched plate (Ooooo!! Do I detect some romantic tension? Glaring, oh my!! Get the popcorn!!)

"Meanie-poopie-head," Karen spat at him with her mouth full, digging into her salad.

Attacking the lasagna, I asked them, "So, can we hang out with you or not, 'cuz we can always find someone else to hang with…like that blond kid for example." I jabbed in the general direction of Malfoy with my fork.

"Hey…hottie," we all heard Karen murmur next to me, a gleam of interest sparking in her eyes.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron all looked on the verge of panicking upon hearing that, and quickly reassured us that we could "hang" with them as long as we wanted to.

"Great!" I beamed. "So, do you guys know how to play basketball?"

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End Note: the quote of the day is...--drumroll--

"Hey Jodie!! Let's tear down Hogwarts!!"


	4. Zens, Kicking Butt, and A Greasy Snape

Jodie's Note: Hi!! It's me!! Again!! It's my chappie!!! So, be happy!!! At least it's not Karen's point of view…(jk!!! Pardon's Karen…Please don't hit me…Hey…What are you doing with that club?…Uh, Karen? -runsaway- -limpsbacklaterwithblackeye- Okay… Just to let you know, this chapter is in MY point of view. (Karen, stay away from me.) Oh yeah, I'm a bit pissed cuz I got a B- on my science finals _(Karen: And I beez gettin' a B. Ha!)_ so please, please, please, don't mess with me right now. _(Karen: Who's gonna mess with you? Oh yeah. Me. Becuz SOMEONE decided to write ANOTHER chapter when it wasn't THEIR turn. Hmph. Meanie-poopie-head. So I am FULLY entitled to "mess" with you. -stickstongueoutatJodie- -picksupclubagain-)_ Ummm…help?

_Disclaimer: I still don't own nothing. That includes all the quotes found in the book. BUT…we still own all the cool stuff Dumbly gets for us. Oh yeah, Eskie is MINE and only MINE!!!... MINE!!! (Karen: And I really do own that Zen. So…HANDS OFF!!!)_

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After the feast was well and over and good ole Dumbly finished telling everyone about the Potion's/Defense Against the Dark Arts mix-up, Karen and I trailed behind the trio while Harry and Ron discussed heatedly about Snape's victory (they'd already finished arguing about Malfoy-and-the-nose and feeling guilty about).

"I'm telling you, I'm not going to shed a tear after Snape's gone at the end of the year." Harry was steaming mad.

"Actually, I think you will, considering that Dum-" I covered Karen's mouth before she could finish that sentence.

"Shuddup! What do you think you're doin'? Like they're going to believe us?!" I whispered into her ear.

Karen then promptly licked my hand to remind me ever-so-kindly that I was still covering her mouth. I immediately released her from my grasp and proceeded to wipe essence of Karen on the back of Ron's robes.

Ron, still pretending that we didn't exist (a feat undoubtedly to be admired,) said back to Harry, "I know that, mate, but I don't want him to teach us Defense Against the Dark Arts! Who knows what he's going to do to us?!!"

Through all of this frantic shout-talking with a few wild and maybe even lewd hand gestures thrown in for good measure, Hermione was in front of us, apparently thinking. Seeing that getting Ron and Harry to talk to us in even the faintest friendly sort of manner was a lost cause, we skipped up to Hermione and tried to get her to start talking to us.

"Hey, Hermione. Do you know about the new Nintendo Wii? Considering that you're Muggle-born and all."

"Sorry, I'm only home for the summer and holidays, and I don't really pay attention to those things."

"Aww…Ooo, I know!! How about Zens? You _do_ know about Zens, right?"

"Erm, no, sorry…"

"Jodie, Jodie, pinch me!!!"

I happily complied and pinched Karen.

"Owww!!! Omigod! It's real! This isn't some freak dream!!! Hermione does not know what a Zen is!!! O, the horror!!!!" exclaimed Karen dramatically in a much horrified way.

"O, the horror!!!" I agreed.

I don't think Karen heard me, as she was ranting at the top of her lungs at some poor group of first years who were staring at her in the way most people stare at her. (As if she was Karen.) (a.k.a. As if she was yelling at the top of the lungs at them.) (Which she really was.) "This is sacrilege! Sacrilege, I say!!"

"Karen!" I yelled her name to get her attention and to hopefully calm her down even the slightest bit. I knew this was sacrilege, but I, unlike her, still had a trace of dignity in me. As I've said before, her ego is like, impenetrable. Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's a bad thing. Right now, it was one of those bad things. She ignored me and continued her outburst, which now was on the brink of swearing.

"KAREN!" I yelled again, louder.

She was now past the swearing and going into full-out swearing in Chinese, our first language, which she lapsed into when she was very passionate about something, as she was now, if you haven't noticed yet. "Ze me ke yi jian zi?!! Wuo de xing cuai jiang le!!! ZE SHI JOO!! JOO NI ZI BOO ZI DAO!!??...boo shi ni la, He Mai Ni…cu shi….SHA WO!! SHA WO!! WO DE SHING JIANG LE!!!!" (If you want the translation, it basically means: How can it be this way?!! My heart is going to break!!! THIS IS PIG!! PIG, YOU KNOW!!??...No, I don't mean you Hermione…Still…KILL ME!! KILL ME!! MY HEART IS BROKEN!!!!)

"KAREN!!!!!" I bellowed louder than her. (To those who do not know, this is quite a feat, as this sound has to be extremely loud to be higher than Karen's decibel level. Volume wise, there is very soft, then quiet, then medium soft, then medium loud, then loud, then extremely loud, then piercing, shrieking loud, then ludicrously loud, then going-to-explode-and-obliterate-your-eardrums loud…then Karen. But as Karen is very prone to attacks such as this one, I had developed a fine bellow during my many years of friendship with her, which I called upon quite often, such as now.)

She finally seemed to notice me. I don't know if I imagined it, but I think there was a wild, feral gleam in her eyes right after I stopped her. Yeah well, that explained a lot. Primal instincts. What kind of a weird world is this, where ranting about Zens is primal instinct??!!! Whoever's up there, you are one wacky dude!!! Whew, glad I got that off my chest…_Anyhoo_…No more shouting Karen and no more staring people. What a relief. I hate staring people. Unless I'm laughing my head off, because then, I'm laughing too hard to notice.

"Karen…" I walked towards her with my hands held out, the way you would approach a rabid animal that's frothing at the mouth. "It's okay…We can fill Hermione in on stuff she's been totally missing out on…Like The Zen. Okay? Just…chill."

Her eyes were normal. So was her attitude. "Omigod Jodie, what in the world are you talking about?"

"Umm…I'm telling you to stop screaming at random people in the hallway."

"-scoff- Like _I'd_ do that. I just got a little…carried away. That's all. It's no biggie or anything. So stop looking at me like I'm crazy." She looked over my shoulder at the unfortunate group of first years who weren't having exactly the most ideal day, what with random crazy girls yelling into their faces, and said to them, "And that means you too!"

Her glance fell back on me and she said in her whole disdainfully-looking-down-her-nose-at-you-sort-of-way (In the totally unfair way life is, she's about a head taller than me, so it's real easy for her to look down at me.), "Even though you're _completely_ wrong in accusing me like that…" She suddenly smiled in an amiable way again and held out her pinky. "Friends?"

I thought for a bit, to prolong this position of power I held at the moment, saying, "Hmmm…." I did this for a while, tapping my chin with my finger, that is, until she started giving me The Evil Eye. I knew that secret weapon-ing would be following this glaring shortly. "Okay, okay, friends," I replied a trifle hurriedly, but with finality.

We did our little secret handshake (-pinkieshaketwistslapclasphandsjumpupanddownboing boingboing-), and...we were good. Then we turned to face three dumbfounded guides who still hadn't understood the gist of what just happened.

"Hiya!" Karen yelled into their faces.

That got them starting.

Observe:

Harry's reaction: -amused/confused look-

Ron's reaction: "What the !#$ ?!!"

Hermione's reaction: -startleddeerintheheadlightslook-

I stifled a laugh. Ahh…The indulgence of being weird…I swear, I heard Karen whisper to herself in a little content voice, "-sigh- I love my life."

I decided to smooth over our past little irks with Hermione. "So…Can you tell us where we're gonna sleep tonight?" I asked her. "'Cuz, I mean, I'm sure Mr. Dumbly told you something about that, 'cuz he definitely didn't tell us."

"Whose Dumb-oh…well, um, I guess you'll stay in my dormitory. There are two other girls though, Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. You'll like them, but Lavender is a bit of an air head."

"I'll bet she is," I whispered to Karen confidentially.

She agreed wholeheartedly. "Won-Won," she whispered back.

We burst out laughing while Hermione, Harry, and Ron looked at us as if we'd grown two more heads apiece. Which I'm quite sure we didn't…_anyhoo_, by the time we stopped laughing, we had arrived at what I suspected was the picture of the Fat Lady.

I heard Karen say, dumbfounded, "Omigod, that's one BIG woman."

I was inclined to agree. "Dang, she must be at least an F-cup!! Seriously…I'm creeped out. Ugh…she's wearing pink and ruffles too. Ewww…"

"Gosh, stop being such a tomboy, Jodie!" Karen said, rolling her eyes. "But I seriously do agree with you."

"Paaaaaswooooord," the Fat Lady drawled.

**_"_**Dilligrout,**_"_** Hermione replied, not at all disturbed by the gigantic painting of the gigantic lady, I was quite astonished to see.

"The repeated exposure to such huge-ness must have warped their brain cells," Karen whispered to me, reading my mind.

I snickered, trying Harry, Ron and Hermione's belief in our sanity yet again. (Actually, I think we're beyond hope in that area already.)

"Yooouuu maaaaay eeenteeeeer," the Lady said, still drawling.

"Thaaaaaaank yoooooouuuu," Karen sniggered at The Fat One.

We climbed through the door, Karen being almost locked out by the Fat Lady. Talk about vindictive. When Karen stopped swearing, we turned towards the common room and took in the plump, red pillows and comfortable looking sofas.

"Nice…" I said.

" I can hang in here," Karen said coolly and snobbishly at the same time. (I think she's putting on this whole haughty-snobbish-cool-Muggle-act to annoy Ron. I mean, it definitely was working. His eyeballs must have been getting tired after all that rolling at her comments. But then again, maybe she's always like that. Constant exposure might have warped _my _brain cells too.)

"Hey, Karen, do ya think we're allowed to hook up a wireless connection at Hogwarts? Maybe Dumbledore brought over your laptop."

"Ya think?" Karen rolled her eyes at me again. (Lots of spinning eyeballs at the moment. the fact that you threatened to shave off his beard if he didn't comply…"

"Hey, I was just making sure!!" Karen said defensively.

"Yeah, sure."

We followed Hermione up the stairs to the girls' dormitories and through the hallway to our room.

Hermione opened the door and froze. "Um…Guys…what's this?"

"What?" I asked, confused at her confused-ness. Peeking inside, I ran in. "My dog!!! YAY!!!! Eskie!! Eskie!!! Oh I mwissed you swo mwuch!!" I cried, hugging my American Eskimo dog, who right now was all fur and tongue.

"My laptop!! My Zen!! YAY!!!!" Karen screamed.

Still being attacked by my dog, I yelled back at her, "Sheesh, Karen! Chill!! Wait…Hey!!! My iDog!! My PSP!!! YAY!!!!" Running toward my stuff, I looked around. "Hey…" I whined. "Where're my books?!!!"

"My Barbie doll!!" Karen squealed, reaching for the pink and ruffle-wearing doll in front of her. (Hey…this is starting to sound familiar…)

"Whoa, Karen, you're creepin' me out here. I thought you stopped playing with them since you were, like, three. Eww…it's pink. Ugh." (That sounds familiar too. You can see we go through this routine a lot.)

"I did, but I have a hunch that this Barbie doll is going to be very important to Hogwarts this year," she whispered secretively.

I rolled my eyes, "Riiiiiigggght…_Any_ways…Hermione? Which ones are our beds?"

Looking slightly confused (Is she always like this or is it because _we're_ here?), she pointed at the two bunks next to the door.

"Cool!" I said, very excited about my first night at Hogwarts. "We can get unpacked and…wait, where's the bathroom around here?" I looked around.

"There's one outside in the hall to the right," said Hermione, plopping down on what I suppose was her bed.

Grabbing her pj's and toothbrush from the duffel bag containing belongings that Dumbledore packed, one for each of us, Karen ran out the door and yelled back at us, "I call the bathroom first!"

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"Jeez, Karen. How long does it take to take a bath and brush your teeth? I'm sure it doesn't take two whole hours!!!"

I was very unhappy with her. I had had to wait in the dormitories with Hermione (Awkward!!!), and Parvati and Lavender ("Blablabla…I don't know whether to wear the pink one with frills or the pink one with ruffles…blabbitybla…" Ugh!!!! Pink!!! The horror!!! And frills and ruffles are basically the same freakin' thing!!!!), while continually assuring Parvati and Lavender that Karen would _surely _come out in the next few minutes even though I had been saying that for the past hour and a half. Both Parvati and Lavender were glaring at me crossly. As if it were _my _fault! Hermione was a whole lot nicer and more sympathetic. Obviously, since Parvati and Lavender hadn't met Karen yet, they seemed more inclined to blame me. Hmph. -mutterglareatthem(notHermionethough)grumblewhyyoulittle grrrrrr- This had gone on for quite awhile. So you can see why I was a tad bit upset.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME YOUNG LADY??!!!!!" I shouted at her, releasing my pent anger at having been forced to listen to some pratty girls gossip about stupid dresses (Eww...).

Ignoring me, Karen whispered excitedly, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, you won't believe what they have in there!! You should totally go see!!"

I glared at her. "I would, but you were in there the whole bloody time!!!!"

She just smirked at me.

Shaking my head and cursing Karen and her mom and her dog (wait, she doesn't have a dog...)and her house and her math teacher under breath, I walked down the hallway with my pajamas and other toiletries (What a weird word…) and into the bathroom…and stopped in my tracks.

"Whoa." That was all I could manage to say at the moment.

In front of me was the coolest looking bathtub I had ever seen. It wasn't like super sized or anything, but it was definitely magic. No other bathtub changes from blue to red to orange to lavender to green to yellow over and over again in patterns of stripes, swirls, waves, and dots. No other bathtub has a shower head that shoots out water in the shape of spheres, triangles, and dodecahedrons and in all colors of the rainbow, depending on the settings you choose. After doing my stuff (and taking about two hours also), I went back to our new room and found Karen already in bed (and snoring a bit, but don't tell her I said that). Lavender and Parvati both had already given up on taking a bath and had gone to sleep too. Hermione was the only one awake, sitting at the window, looking outside.

"Uh…hi."

Startled, she jumped up and looked at me. "Hey…"

I sat on my bed. -awkward silence-

"So…um, where'd do you guys come from?" Hermione asked, sitting down on her bed.

She seemed genuinely curious, so I obliged. "We're from California. Ya know, in the United States."

"I've never been outside Europe before…what's it like?"

"Well...California's pretty much a nice place. We live near San Francisco, and the weather's pretty mild. Usually very sunny." I had a hard time thinking of what else to say. I was still awed by the fact that I was in the presence of my all-time idol and I was ACTUALLY HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HER!!!! (-hyperventilating-) But after I got a hold on myself, I continued. "We never wear uniforms at the school we go to. You see pretty much all kinds of kids there, especially Asians. Ha! We're everywhere!" I climbed into my bed and snuggled into the covers, stalling because I was having a brain freeze and also getting in because I was pretty darn tired after all the hard adventuring we had done today.

Hermione got into her bed too. I guess she'd given up on a bath too. -cringeandfeelguilty-

"How long have, ummm…you and Karen been friends?" she asked, apparently racking her brains for something to ask. (Ha! I wasn't alone!)

"We met at the park when we were in kindergarten. We've been bestest friends ever since," I replied, stifling a yawn with my hand.

"That sounds nice…" said Hermione, her voice trailing off.

"What, don't you have a best friend?" I asked her, curious.

"No," Hermione said in a sad little voice. "My parents moved around a lot. I never got to know someone long enough to consider them my _best_ friend…and well, Harry and Ron…they _are_ boys, you know."

There was a silence. I wasn't sure what to say that wouldn't sound mean or snobby. Then, I started to panic. "But you aren't going to move anytime soon, are you??!!!"

"No," said Hermione. "I'm done moving for good. My parents have found a permanent job where they can work together that's close to Hogwarts. I think they're pretty content. I really hope we don't move again. I don't think I could bear it, because that mean I would have to leave R-" She broke off hurriedly, turning a deep shade of maroon that I pretended to not see.

I sighed internally inside. What _is _it with this girl? Ron is _sooo _not her type. He is _definitely _not worthy of her. Yet she's all swooning over him. Boy, do Karen and I have a lot of work cut out for us this year. I, being a kind person (Karen: -snickersnicker-), did not press the whole Ron matter and instead settled with a friendly "G'night, Hermione."

Hermione whispered back, "Goodnight."

I wished inside my head that we could do something to help Hermione with her insecurity…and then I didn't remember anything else, considering the fact that I promptly fell asleep.

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The next morning, we went with Hermione down to the common room. As we waited for Harry and Ron, Hermione explained to us what our schedules would be. "You two will be having classes with each other and with us, or if I have a different class, with Harry and Ron, so…I guess you should just follow them around…"

"We can do that." I grinned. "We'll stick to them like ticks…or maybe leeches. Hmm…I was never good at metaphors…"

Karen rolled her eyes at me, and proceeded to ask me if I wanted to play a game of chopsticks with her.

After a while (a.k.a. sixteen games of chopsticks later, with me winning five times and Karen winning eleven), Harry and Ron finally came down.

Seeing us (or rather, Hermione), Harry came over and said, "I bet Malfoy's a Death Eater!"

"What?!" was the reply (from Hermione). (Jodie and I were mimicking the conversation behind their backs, Karen being Harry and I being Hermione. Ron was in the middle, unsure whether to back off at our weirdness or to double up clutching his guts with laughter. That was one funny expression on his face.)

"You know yesterday…I was on the train with Malfoy, right?" Harry quickly explained his Malfoy-is-evil theory to Hermione while Ron looked on, embarrassed. Harry stopped speaking once he saw us mimicking him. I froze in mid-gesture, and grinned sheepishly. Karen didn't notice, continued with mouthing the words with her eyes shut, and ended up starting to do the disco. I poked her and she looked at me. I pointed at Harry, hoping she didn't do anything embarrassing, and she looked at him solemnly. She shrugged nonchalantly and, with a big smile and a tilt of her head, with one hand on her hip while the other was held up in the shape of scissors, she posed for him ("Cheese!!!!"). I slapped my forehead, exasperated.

"But he was obviously showing off for Parkinson, wasn't he?" Ron cut in, pretending to still be ignoring Karen and me, even though we had seen him gaping at our silent show just a few seconds ago.

Harry and Hermione decided to play along and pretend that they hadn't just seen what they had just seen.

"Well," Hermione said hesitantly, "I don't know…It would be like Malfoy to make himself seem more important that he is…but that's a big lie to tell…"

"Exactly," Harry said, about to continue his persuasive speech to Hermione, but he stopped abruptly after seeing some would-be-eavesdroppers edge closer.

"Go away people, can't you see we're busy listening to a completely crazy person? We can't do that with you guys breathing our air!" Karen snapped.

"It's rude to point," Ron growled at a first-year as we climbed through the portrait hole. The poor boy blushed and tripped into the room. Ron sniggered.

"I love being a sixth year. _And_ we're going to be getting free time this year. Whole periods when we can just sit up here and relax."

Hermione rolled her eyes. (Even _she _caught it! Wow. I never knew Karen and I were _that _contagious. We should try getting everyone to do Karen's Chris-and-Ashlyn dance next. Hmmm…) "We're going to need that time for studying, Ron!" she said as we started walking through the corridor.

"Yeah, but not today. Today's going to be a real doss, I reckon." He smirked at apparently nothing.

I whispered to Karen, "Is 'doss' even a word?"

She shrugged.

"Hold it!" Hermione stopped one of the kids in the corridor who seemed to be carrying a furry, flattened dog. "Fanged Frisbees are banned, hand it over." She took the Frisbee from him.

When the kid left, Ron grabbed it, "Excellent, I've always wanted one of these."

Someone giggled behind us. Karen and I turned and saw a willowy brunette laughing suggestively to Ron. We both smirked.

"Won-Won," I whispered to Karen.

We burst out laughing…again. Ron looked at us.

"What??!! It's not like you've never seen two perfectly normal teenagers before! Sheesh, it's not like we're _weird_ or anything," Karen said haughtily to him.

When arrived at the Great Hall, we sat down for breakfast (waffles topped with strawberries with cream and pumpkin juice), and when we finished, Harry, Ron, and Hermione received their schedules from a tall, old woman, who reminded me of my second grade teacher. When that was all done, we cheerfully followed Harry and Ron to their first class…Defense Against the Dark Arts, we were happy to learn.

"Hey, Jodie, isn't this the class Snape is teaching now?" Karen gave me her evil grin.

I chuckled, "Aww, yeah…let's go kick some TEACHER BUTT!!" A couple of people stared at me. "Nothing to see here people, move on, move on. Don't you guys have classes to fail or something?"

Snape's classroom was gloomy. It was also dark, slimy-looking, and smelled like Karen's cooking. (Karen: Hey!!!) We walked in grimacing and sat down next to Harry and Hermione.

"Dude, you'd think someone would hose down the classroom once in a while," I gagged. I heard a door slam. We turned around and saw a tall, greasy figure walk to the front of the room. "Dude, you'd think someone would hose down the teacher once in a while." I looked at Professor Snape with distaste. "Hey, Karen!" I poked her. "Look at that hair. I swear, if it was anymore greasy, we could sell it to McDonalds."

"You have had five teachers in this subject so far, I believe," Snape sneered at us. "Naturally, these teachers will all have had their…"

I heard nothing more for quite a while. I looked over at Karen. She was doodling on a piece of parchment she'd swiped from some poor sixth-year student with a quill and some ink she'd undoubtedly swiped also. I looked around and stole a piece of parchment and a quill and a bottle of ink from Ron. ("Hey!!!") Ignoring him, I wrote on it and passed it to Karen.

_You listening to a word he's saying?_

_Nah._

_Ha! I can smell him from way over here. Do ya think we're going to get homework to? I mean, come on, we don't even know if we have magic or not._

_…iono…I hope not tho. I'm just going to treat this like a long vacation._

_Oooh, that's a pretty rabbit. Love the bowtie._

_…It's a dog. And I did not draw a bowtie…that's a collar. :(_

_dude, sorry. lol XD I wonder if Harry knows anything abou_-

"Ahem."

-_t the movies made about him. I mean, he can't be that ignorant. It's strange how these people act…so old fashioned. Hermione hadn't even heard about the Ninte_-

"AHEM!!"

-_ndo Wii. I mean…who's NOT heard of it._

BAM!

I looked up from my writing, and said to a red-faced Snape with a vein on the side of his head bulging out, "Dude, professor. You need to chill. You know that if you keep frowning, you'll get wrinkles…Wait…You already have one. Riiiiigght there. Oh, and there too…And there, and there, and-and-and…"

Snape looked at me furiously. "Ms.-"

"Jodie," I supplied helpfully in an amiable voice although Snape was waaaaay beyond amiable.

He gritted his teeth. "Ms. Jodie. Just because are not a magic user, does NOT mean you can pass notes in class." He looked down at me behind his long nose. Hearing a noise, he glared at Harry, who was behind me; apparently, he was biting his knuckles to keep from laughing. "I see," Snape said in a cold voice. "You find yourself amusing. Well, let us find out if you two _Muggles_ have any talent for magic. Nonverbal spells. NOW!"

I stood up and looked at Karen. "Ya want to be my partner?"

"Sure," she replied, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. Snape was getting angrier and angrier, probably because we didn't seem the least bit cowed by his menacing looks. Ya see, Karen and I have worked on this whole annoying-the-mean-teacher act a whole lot of times, and we've got it down perfect. "Wait…we don't have wands. How are we supposed to do anything?" She looked around. Her glance fell on Snape and her lip curled in disdain at his oily appearance. Karen still claims to this day that it wasn't intentional, she just couldn't help, but I know better.

Seeing Snape, with his eyeballs almost bulging out in fury, wasn't going to give us any wands, she turned back towards me, shrugged again, and pointed her finger at me solemnly and scrunched up her face until it turned a deep shade of lavender. I laughed. Pointing my finger at her too, I thought, _Stupefy, stupefy, stupefy, stupefy_. Karen couldn't take it anymore and a giggle tore from her mouth. Which turned into a laugh, then into a belly laugh, then hysterical laughter which caused tears to leak out of her eyes.

I too, doubled up laughing. "Omigod…(-hysterical laughter-) We are the saddest people (HAHAHA JESUS CHRIST) that I have ever known (-snort- -snort-…I THINK I CHOKED ON MY SPIT HAHAHAHAHA). Karen…help me (HAHAHAHAHA OMIGOD I THINK I'M SUFFOCATING). I…I…see the light." I reached out dramatically for the ceiling and fell over laughing on top of Karen.

"Sorry, Jodie….(-gigglesnortgiggleagainguffawsnortsnicker-) I don't think I can

(-gaspingforbreath-) help you…Oh my god…" She recovered enough to push me off of her.

"HAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhh…Okay…I'm good." I looked up and saw Hermione trying to keep a straight face by biting her lip till it turned white above me. I said cheerfully, "Hiya girl, what's up?"

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J/N (take two): if any one is actually reading this story (which, sadly, I guess not on account on the small number of hits our story has got) I apologize for not posting sooner since I had this school trip to DC and everything.

Karen's Note: Hey ya peeps!! For those who were waiting so anxiously for the next update (-the camera swivels around to reveal I am talking to nobody-), sorry, but this isn't the next chapter. I merely corrected lots of grammar mistakes Jodie made because she submitted it without telling me and letting me correct it, and added a few tidbits more of humor here and there. I would like to clarify one teensy-weensy detail. Just because the other person isn't writing the chapter (a.k.a. me), doesn't mean they aren't doing anything. When Jodie or I finish writing a chapter, we give to the other person to correct. It _may_ seem like I haven't really been _active_ lately, as Jodie has written _three_ chapters, and I only _one_, but I must take some credit on my part. I'd like to claim all the funny stuff where I say and do funny stuff and Jodie says and does funny stuff. So basically…Jodie writes the storyline and I add the humor. WHOOO!!!! GO ME!!!!!!! Jodie is probably going to be a tad bit angry once she reads this, but, who cares!!! I did do all that stuff!!!! (Though Jodie DID think of the whole wash-the-classroom-and-the-teacher stuff. But…I STILL ROCK!!!!) Yeah…Just a TEENSY-WEENSY little note. (You can see I'm feeling a little cheated by the fact that I haven't been writing any chapters lately.) I'm currently working on the next chapter (well, I haven't exactly STARTED it yet, but I'M GETTING TO IT!!! -sheepishgrin-), and I hope you guys (-camera swivels around and it shows still no people-) enjoy it!!! Toodles! ---Your wonderful, amazing idol (Jodie: -snickersnicker-)

P.S. I've sort of realized I should have put this note at the top or else people who get alerts will think nothing has been changed, but, oh well. Soo….If you are currently reading this, YOU ROCK!!!! You are obviously a devoted fan, by your ability to read this chapter again and to laugh at our antics again, even though you've already read it. Love yous people!!! Ta! (For real this time.) ;


	5. POTC, Flirting Techniques, and A Barbie

Karen's Note: Hey y'all! Miss me much? -winkwink- (Jodie: -cough- No.) -glareatJodie- _Any_ways… My excuse for not finishing this chapter faster is the fact that nobody is reviewing anymore…(It's really because I've been so busy but…carry on!) -tear- So sad… (Jodie: Not feeling any sympathy here.) -glareatJodieagain- So…REVIEW PPL!!!!! How many times do we have to tell you??? PLEASE!!!!!! I BEG YOU!!!!! REVIEW!!!! OR I SHALL DO SOMETHING SUICIDAL!!!!! (Jodie: Ooo! Please do!) Grrr…don't make me come tickle you! (Jodie in Karen's dreams: NO MORE!!!! SPARE ME O MIGHTY ONE!!!! SPARE ME!!!) (Jodie in real life: You wish.) I do. Teehee. Yeah…Making fun of Ron is fuuuunn…So…I realized that so far, Harry hasn't said anything except ask who we are and look at us weirdly…Dude, it wasn't INTENTIONAL or ANYthing…Oh, and I kinda made Jodie act like an idiot in the whole chapter, as she has so kindly pointed out to me once…or twice…every second…the whole day…for the whole week…or two weeks…or maybe even ten…So, being a kind and generous person, I changed it (a bit) of course. Now she just makes extremely scathing and sarcastic remarks. (Jodie: Thank you, Karen.) Oh, and the fact that Jodie threatened to kung-foo me to death and then bring me back to life and then do it again might have been some sort of incentive to do so… (Jodie: No! -pout- I would NEVER do that.) Riiiiiiiiiiight…. (Jodie: You be quiet young lady or I'll kung-foo you to death and then bring you back to life and then kung-foo you again.) Didn't you hear what you just SAID???? (Jodie: Yeah. So?) -rollseyes- (Jodie: -grinsmirksnigger- Enjoy the chapter!)

Reply to laffytaffy: WHAT?!!!!!! YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT A ZEN IS???!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! YOU POOR, POOR CHILD WITH OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS!!!! I PITY YOU!!!! I PITY YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!!! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!!!!! RUN!!!! SCREAM!!!! CRY!!!! PLEAD!!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!! DOOMED I SAY!!!!! (Jodie: What she means is that a Zen is an mp3 player. Actually, Zen is a brand name, which Creative created. Haha, Creative created…Ahem. Righto. Her "Zen" is actually a Zen V Plus, but Zen is easier to say...or type. Whatever. Yeah. Carry on, Karen.) DOOMED!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!! IT ISN'T FAIR!!!!! I'M STILL YOUNG!!!!! I HAVE A LONG, HEALTHY LIFE TO LIVE!!!! WHY?!!!! WHY ME?!!!! WHY??!!!!!!!! (Jodie: Okay, okay, that's enough for now Karen. You can pout and wail and all that fun stuff quietly.) Okay. WAAAA-- (Jodie: Quietly meaning QUIETLY.) Okay. -whisperyell- WAAAA- (Jodie: Okay…Quietly meaning not typing anything.) Oh. Pssht. Why didn't you just say so? (Jodie: -rollseyes- You're hopeless.) -snort- Look at who's talking.

Reply to Vivian: (Jodie: What about me!! Did you forget that it was Jodie who thought up the whole idea?!!!! Or that is was Jodie that pokes Karen into hurrying up and update?!!! Or that it was Jodie who wrote approximately HALF--) Actually, you wrote LESS than half. (--of this chapter?!!!!! Hmph...I am soooo underappreciated. Lol! Thank's for the review ,Viv!) Hi, Vivian! Ignore the crazy lady babbling to herself. (Jodie: Hey!!!) I speak only the truth. (Jodie: -growl-)

Reply to adeckofcards: (Jodie: YAY!! Tanu finally read my--) Ahem. (Jodie:--our story!! And what do you mean by threatening people? I would never do that:P)

Reply to Kevin Zhang: (Jodie: Uh...how in the world did you know we had a story, let alone find it in the gazillion stories by harry potter fanfic writers...ditto question to you too Vivian.) Helloooo. Earth to Jodie. Itold Vivian to read our story and well, umm….Kevin, how DID you find our story??

Reply to Gurleen: Hey, Gurleen!!! I finally finished the chapter! (Jodie: Well, if she didn't, you wouldn't be reading it.)Shuttup, Jodie. (Jodie: -rollseyes- -grins- The spinning eyeballs strike again!!!)

Reply to Noodle Addikt: (Jodie: Er…Are we supposed to know you? Was that "when pigs fly" a clue or something...I'm confuzzled...the only people who I know would say that are Adinah and Jamie...Adinah already reviewed so that leaves Jamie...unless Adinah got an account recently...I'm confuzzled too...) -rollseyes- Doiiiiiiiii. It's so obviously Jamie. Right, Jamie? Nice username by the way. Totally azn.

Reply to CRAZEDSTALKERPERSON: ….Ya kno, your username is not very comforting…I'm just hoping that you're some person we know that just wants to be like special and weird or something…Thx for reviewing anyways though:)

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything…except…me…and my stuff…and me…and Jodie (Jodie: HEY!!!)…and me…and-and-and- (Jodie: You get the point.) -grin- Enjoy! _

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Hermione towered over us, and suddenly let out a giggle. "It's funny watching Snape get angry when he can't do anything about it."

"He can't do anything about us?" Jodie asked cluelessly. (Like usual.) (Jodie: Heyyy!!!) "Since when? Not that I'm complaining or anything..."

"Well, aren't you protected by some sort of 'diplomatic immunity'?" she asked.

"Ahh, yes. Our little friend 'diplomatic immunity'." I grinned evilly.

An identical evil grin lit up Jodie's face. "I knew that," she said.

"Uh-huh," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm (-drip- -drip-).

Ignoring me, Jodie said, "And didn't good ol' Dumbly say something about not abusing it?" She rubbed her hands together in anticipation.

"I don't know..." I said, smirking. "I don't quite recall that…So it won't be my fault if I _accidentally_ do something…accidental." I got to my feet.

Jodie, smirking and also getting up, suddenly spun around in true Jack Sparrow fashion to face someone standing behind her and shouted, "Let me go or I'll have you Longshanks!!" She found herself looking at a livid Professor Snape. "Eh, sorry dude," she apologized somewhat sheepishly. "Just got caught up in the moment, that's all." I noted the fact that she continued smirking though.

He glared at her and ordered the rest of the class, "Keep working on nonverbal spells, while I…_discuss_ matters with these two young ladies." He marched us out of the room and pointed a threatening finger at us. "Now, you two will both sit quietly in the seats at the _front_ of the room where I can keep my eye on you for the rest of the class and _all_ my classes to come until you buy a wand and some good manners-"

I interrupted and asked innocently, "They sell good manners in Diagon Alley?"

He continued, "-or you will find yourselves in an _unpleasant_ situation…Am I understood?"

"Okay," Jodie said, still smirking.

"Sure. I can stay quiet," I agreed, smiling sweetly at him.

She snorted. "Can not."

I looked at her indignantly and said, "Hey! I can too!"

"Can not."

"Can too!"

"Can NOT!"

"Can TOOOOOO-" I stopped mid-syllable and glanced up at the still-fuming Professor. "Sorryyyyyy…" I said in a completely un-sorry voice. I poked my tongue out at Jodie as we were shoved back into the room in an unceremonial manner.

She mouthed back at me, _Can not_.

Thirty minutes later found us playing rock-paper-scissors while all the students around us were either tottering around like my great-aunt Wie-Ling's old Pekingese (the poor dog has arthritis, is half blind, and walks around you with four extremely short, teeny-weeny-WEENIE legs), gasping for breath like Jodie's little brother's fish (he never cleans its tank so you can't really even SEE the fish), or turning interesting shades of all the colors of the rainbow (Jodie and I were seeing who could spot the most colors. I had already found a sort of blue cheese-ish color, chartreuse, purple, burgundy, puke green, and a remarkable shade of tomato. To my chagrin, Jodie was the one who found lavender.).

"Pathetic, Weasley…Here -- let me show you-" Snape pushed a magenta-faced Ron aside and pointed his wand at Harry.

"Protego!" Harry shouted, flinging Snape back into a desk.

Jodie cringed and whispered to me, "That desk will never be the same again."

I nodded sympathetically.

Snape stood up, shook out his robes, and looked at Harry. "Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?" he asked coldly.

Harry replied through gritted teeth, "Yes."

"Yes, _sir_."

"There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor."

"Ooooo…busted!" I shook my head. "You are soooo going to get it."

Snape looked as if he barely had control over the fact that he wanted to smack Harry's little head all the way down to Australia. Jodie and I edged a little bit away from him. No sense in being too close to a person who clearly needed anger management sessions.

"Detention, Saturday night, my office," Snape ground out. "I do not take cheek from anyone, Potter…" He added with venom, "Not even 'the Chosen One'. Class dismissed."

We walked out of the dungeon, following a slightly gloomy group of people.

"That was brilliant, Harry!" chortled Ron.

As I said, slightly.

I exclaimed, "Dang, Harry. That was completely, stupidly, moronically, retarded-dedely AWESOME! I remember how much I loved that scene from the boo-"

Jodie clapped her hand onto my mouth. Again. I spat it out, saying, "Dude, sorry…but that doesn't give you enough reason to stuff your hand in my mouth." I muttered under my breath, "Ungrateful, little bi- " I stopped when I saw a wide-eyed first year staring at me. "-kini," I finished.

Jodie looked at me.

"Whaaat?" I asked. "I can't go around contaminating poor little minds with our weirdness. That'd be _totally_ uncool."

Hermione was saying, "-really shouldn't have said it. It was definitely not a good idea."

Harry replied angrily, "He tried to jinx me, in case you didn't notice! I had enough of that during those Occlumency lessons! Why doesn't he use another guinea pig for a change? What's Dumbledore playing at, anyway, letting him teach Defense? Did you hear him talking about the Dark Arts? He loves them! All that _unfixed, indestructible_ stuff-"

"Well," Hermione said in a small voice, "I thought he sounded a bit like you."

"Like _me_?" Harry said, outraged at being compared to Snape. (Jodie and I were watching intently. This is a very intense scene in the book. So, likewise, we must be intense. Intense is me. I am intense. -girlwalksbymeeatingchocolate- Hey…chocolate!)

"Yes, when you were telling us what it's like to face Voldemort. You said it wasn't just memorizing a bunch of spells, you said it was just you and your brains and your guts – well, wasn't that what Snape was saying? That it really comes down to being brave and quick-thinking?"

I whispered to Jodie, "I don't remember Snape saying anything like that."

She shrugged. "I wasn't paying attention. The whole class was too kill-your-partner-or-I-fail-you for me." she replied.

Harry looked a bit dazed by the fact that Hermione had memorized his little speech from last year. Jodie was looking at both of them strangely. So many biiiiiiiig words, huh Jodie? (Jodie: Heeeyy!!! It's not as if you have any mental acumen to comprehend the fragility of Hermione's introspective psyche!) (Me in Jodie's dreams: -drool- acu-cu-what?) (Me in real life: Hahaha, very funny. By the way, Jodie...what _does_ acumen mean?) (Jodie: Something waaaay beyond your comprehension.) (Me: -silence-) (Jodie: -startsfidgeting-) (Me: You don't know, do you, Jodie.) (Jodie: I do too!!!...It's umm...something to do with the brain...or sommat...) (Me: -smirk-)

"Harry!!" shouted a weenie-looking boy. Harry went over to say hi as we walked toward the Gryffindor common room.

"Okaaaaay…Soooo Hermione…where're we going next?" Jodie questioned, attempting to break the silence.

Hermione looked at her and said, "Well, there's a break next…then we have some more classes, I guess…"

"Righto!" Jodie replied enthusiastically, gesturing enthusiastically and attempting a heroic pose. "Onward! To infinity, and beyond!"

She had been waving her hands around so zealously that she promptly tripped. Conveniently, her tripping pushed Ron into the way of an ornamental pillar that ran into him. Ouch…Ya know, I kinda feel sorry for that guy…

"Oh dear…Sorry, _so_ sorry," Jodie said, getting up and dusting imaginary dust from her clothes. "What an _awful_ accident…I feel so _terrible_…I'm _dreadfully _sorry…Such a _coincidence_ that I tripped in _your _direction…"

Ron muttered something unintelligible under his breath while glaring at her, and picked himself up off of the stone floor. Jodie had a syrupy, big, and almost mocking smile pasted on her face. (-ding!goesthelittlehalo-) Glaring at her some more, he turned around to pick up his battered wand, which had fallen out of his pocket; while he did so, Jodie's composure changed significantly, and she grinned evilly at me and winked. I couldn't help but join in, and I felt a not-so-innocent smile creep over my face.

Right at that moment, Harry came back, clutching a folded piece of parchment.

"What was that about?" asked Ron.

Opening the piece of paper, he motioned to us. "Look at this."

_Dear Harry, _

_I would like to start our private lessons this Saturday. Kindly come along to my office at 8 P.M. I hope you are enjoying your first day back at school. _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Albus Dumbledore _

_P.S. I enjoy Acid Pops._

"He enjoys acid pops?" Ron looked cun-fuzzled.

Jodie mused aloud, "Hmm…I wonder what acid pops taste like…I want one!"

Right at that moment, a cute guy walked past us with a green, acidic-looking lollipop. "Oooh!!" she said, running toward him. "GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMME..."

"Stop bothering the poor hottie, Jodie. Harry's busy explaining to poor, slow Ron what 'acid pops' means. It's rude to interrupt and be a nuisance and make us be stared at while making a complete fool of yourself! Not to mention that cute guy is looking at us weirdly now…" I hissed at her.

She stuck out her tongue out at me and said to me indignantly, "Like _you_ don't ever do that."

"I do NOT!" I exclaimed huffily.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight…" she replied mockingly.

"Fine. So maybe I get a _little_ bit…excited, but I do NOT yell into random people's faces and act like a crazy person."

Jodie looked at me.

I said tersely, "What?"

She looked at me.

"I do NOT."

More staring from Jodie. She then gave me The Eyebrow. (O the Horror!!!!)

I started to feel a bit uncomfortable. "Or…anything…" I trailed off lamely.

We reached the Gryffindor common room (not to mention the Fat Lady) and climbed through the hole in the wall behind the painting.

"Soooooooo…what do we do _now_?" I asked Hermione.

"Let's see…how about…homework!" She said this almost happily. (-shudder-)

"No!" both Ron and Harry exclaimed in unison.

Harry hastily said, "Well, we'd rather not…After all, it's only the first day. How much homework could we possibly have?"

"Yeah, what he said," Ron said, ever-so-brilliantly.

Hermione looked slightly unhappy about not being able to start Snape's homework. When she started to look as if she might argue with them, Ron and Harry looked expectantly at Jodie and me.

"Hey, leave me out of this. I, quite frankly, don't _do_ the homework thing, unless it's with a teacher I like and a subject I can comprehend." I said with certainty.

Knowing they wouldn't be able to get me to change my mind, Harry and Ron proceeded to stare Jodie down.

"Don't look at me. I mean, school's all very nice and everything, but it still _is _homework...if you get my drift," Jodie said, holding up her hands and backing away.

"I told you already, I'm going to treat this like one long vacation," I said to the pathetic-looking Harry and the even more pathetic-looking Ron who both clearly didn't want to do homework, stretching my arms to accentuate how relaxed I was. Ahh, the power of making others beg…I love it!!! I love it!!!!

"But…won't Snape be unhappy that you guys aren't doing your homework?" Ron asked, unhappy that he had to do homework and others didn't.

I said, chuckling, "Well…then I'd be in an _unpleasant_ situation I guess…and isn't there something that saves us from said 'unpleasant situations'?"

Jodie smirked at them.

Ron pouted. (xDDDD)

I said, also smirking, "The job description says unpleasant, and the words 'Snape' and 'no homework' in the same sentence is _definitely_ an unpleasant situation. One might even call it ugly. And that, my friend, is the beauty of our situation here at Hogwarts."

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We ended up finishing the break without doing any homework, or anything productive at all for that matter. Harry and Ron stalled and got Hermione to engage in a conversation about what Dumbledore would teach Harry in his lessons. They talked and talked and well…talked. Jodie and I got bored and started drawing smiley faces all over Ron with her Sharpie ("Here, you can have one on the back of your hand…and on your arm…and on cheek…and on your forehead…." "Hey, HEY! Keep that...er...pen like object with black writing on it AWAY from my forehead, you! NO! STAY AWAY!!! STAY AWAY!!!!! DON'T MAKE ME DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!!" "Awww, come on. It's just a smiley face. It won't make people stare at you or anything-" "BACK OFF!!!! I SAID, STAY AWAY!!!!"). It was much fun. -grin-

Hermione headed off for Arithmacy, while Harry, Ron, Jodie, and I stayed in the common room with nothing to do. So you can imagine how it went. We all sat there and did nothing….Just kidding. Do I _look_ like I'm someone who'd just _sit_ there and do nothing?? I think not. Jodie and I decided to take a walk outside on the castle grounds, as we hadn't had any time to see it before. Harry and Ron followed us because they had nothing better to do.

The castle grounds were _pretty_ impressive. There was a huge, huge lake and lots and lots of grass everywhere and people were just sitting around and chatting. Very ideal vacation resort. I scanned the crowd, looking for any familiar faces from the Harry Potter movies, when my eyes fell on Malfoy and his cronies walking towards us. I _know _he's supposed to be evil and everything in the story and stuff, but one has to admit he _is_ kinda hot. Well, I don't know if _Malfoy_ is hot, but Tom Felton is. Ewww…_Tom Felton_??? What kind of crappie, lame name is that??? -shudder- Moving on…As I was saying, he is hottie material. That is, when he isn't sneering. And he was currently walking towards us with a sneer on his good-looking face. Hmm…Not a very good way to start any relationship, huh? Well, who knows. Look at Lily and James Potter. Anyways, back to reality.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Chosen One and his Weasel sidekick. Where's the Mudblood, Chosen One? Trying to scrub off that filth?" Malfoy sneered.

Ron growled at Malfoy. Jodie, being slightly more graceful, settled with a rude hand gesture.

"And what's this, new additions to the pathetic group?" he asked icily, looking Jodie and me over. "Not too bad looking…" he commented as he eyed us.

I smirked. Jodie, as usual, rolled her eyes.

"How come I've never seen you before? There are very few Oriental people here at Hogwarts. Probably because, as _everyone_ knows, Orientals are shy little wimps who never see sunshine. I would have noticed you two," he said. "Are you new students?"

I had had enough. He was cute, I'll give him that, but NO one dissed Asians in front of me. "First of all, _we _are not 'Oriental'. Hellooo. You say things like 'that's an Oriental rug', not 'that's an Oriental person'. The correct term is 'Chinese', or 'Taiwanese', though 'Asian' is fine by me too."

"Secondly," Jodie continued where I had left off, "we _are_ new students, but considering the fact that you just dissed Asians, I've decided that that's none of your business and that all _you_ need to be worried about right now is finding out just how shy and wimpy I can be."

"Thirdly," I said to a slightly taken aback Malfoy, "I'm Karen and this is Jodie. Nice to meet you." I held out my hand for him to shake. He grasped it in his own, a smile creeping onto his attractive face.

"Quite the hellcats, aren't you? I like cats…and, er, hell…I'm Draco. Draco Malfoy," he said, grinning handsomely.

"We know," I chirped.

"Of course you do, of course you do," Malfoy said conceitedly. "_Everyone_ knows me."

Jodie asked him in a casual tone, "What did you say your name was again?"

Malfoy glared at her. She just smiled breezily back at him. (We're good at that kind of thing.)

"So, tell me more about you guys," Malfoy said to me. "When did you get here?"

"Oh, we fluttered in with the wind," I said vaguely.

"Yes, can't you just picture us fluttering in with the wind?" Jodie interjected.

"Erm…Not really…" Malfoy answered. "What House did you say you guys were in?"

"We didn't, and we don't really have a House…" I said, unsure how to say it so that he didn't realize that we were full-out Muggles.

Jodie just about read my mind and she made a terrific save, if I may say (which I will) (Jodie: Awwww, shucks, you shouldn't have.). She said smoothly, "You see, whenever the wind changes directions, we move on to another House. We're the kind of girls that like changes, no matter how conservative the people around us are."

Malfoy smirked. "My kind of girls, I'd say."

I turned to lean on the wall behind me and saw Harry and Ron staring at us.

Ron asked, flabbergasted, "Are you _flirting_ with _Malfoy_???"

"No," I replied, unfazed. Malfoy raised an eyebrow at me. I continued, "we're having a sophisticated and highly mature conversation that obviously your tiny brain cannot follow."

Malfoy chuckled evilly, enjoying Ron's look of anger. "Well, I've seen enough," Malfoy declared.

I looked at him questioningly, slightly confuzzled.

Jodie voiced how I felt and said, "Come again?"

"Any girls who can make Weasel here dance with rage are definitely good enough for me," he said, smirking. "From now on, you two eat with me, not with that pathetic group," he said, jerking his thumb towards Harry and Ron. "You're too good for them. For _me_, on the other hand..." He trailed his voice off suggestively while looking at us with his clear blue eyes.

"Weeell..." I pretended to think it over.

"Please?" Malfoy asked us, his face so cute with those begging eyes and that smile.

I sighed for effect and then agreed. It took a little longer to get Jodie's consent but at last (with some nudging from me) she said, "Alright. BUT just to let you know, Karen might find you...interesting, but my heart will always belong to Viggo Mortensen and ONLY to Viggo Mortensen. Oh yeah, hurt my best friend, and I'll unleash my black beltness in your pretty little face."

Malfoy smiled so sweetly at us, I would have swooned onto Ron, but that would have been kind of a bad second impression on Malfoy, plus Jodie would have teased me for _forever _for doing so. I instead flashed (what I hoped to be) a charming smile back.

Jodie just _had_ to ruin the moment and say, "Alright, alright, we get the point you two, you can stop making goo-goo eyes at each other. Hey look, there comes Hermione."

I turned to see Hermione walking briskly towards us, her curly brown mass of hair flying behind her. We seriously need to give her some tips on what to do with all that hair. And those clothes. And shoes. And bag. She soooo needs a makeover... Ah well, she IS Hermione and she ROX! When Hermione reached us, the first thing she said was, "Ummm…What's going on here?" in a confused sort of way.

I could kind of see why she might ask that. There was Ron and Harry, still staring at Jodie and me with wide eyes and open mouths, unable to believe what had just happened, Malfoy standing next to us, apparently having a friendly conversation with us, Jodie and me, just standing there so innocently (Hermione: Ha! You two? Innocent??? HA!!!) (Karen: -pout- What's wrong with us and innocent?) (Hermione: HA!!!!!!!) (Jodie: Hey, that's a bit harsh Hermione.) (Hermione: HA!!!!!!!), and well, let's just say, Hermione was a bit overwhelmed by this change of the tide.

"Omigod!" Hermione exclaimed. "What's _he_ doing here???" She pointed at Malfoy, disgust in her voice.

"_Exactly_," Malfoy voiced, "what I was about to ask. Why is _she_ here???"

"Umm, hello. She's our friend," Ron said, looking at Malfoy like he should _know _this kind of thing.

"Yes, I know that," Malfoy snapped, "but what I want to know is why _you_ two don't feel disgusted when you put yourselves into the Mudblood's presence. There's almost like an…aura of impureness_ emanating_ from her. Don't you _feel _it??"

I gasped. "No, you didn't…You did, didn't you?"

Jodie rolled her eyes and said, "No duh…"

I continued, "You—you just insulted Hermione…"

"Yes, I think we've reached that conclusion too," Jodie remarked scathingly.

"You…you..." I said furiously to an apprehensive Malfoy who braced himself to be slapped by one ticked-off Asian who was currently approaching him with an upraised hand, "…darling," I finished, cupping my hand to Malfoy's cheek affectionately. I smiled at him coldly. Malfoy stared at me with wide eyes, not yet taking in what had just happened. Needless to say, this made Hermione, Ron, and Harry all looked at each other as if to say telepathically, _Did you just here what I heard? Because what I heard was just plain weird._ Jodie, on the other hand, was looking at me suspiciously. Really. She just knows me too well. I smiled at her my famous revenge-is-at-hand-and-we-shall-conquer-again smile. She started to look a bit worried. I just smiled the bigger. Letting go of Malfoy, I chirped, "Weeell, I don't know about you guys, but I really got to go to the tinkle-room. Wanna come with me, Jodie?"

As Jodie and I waltzed off into the direction where I had noted a bathroom on our little tour of the grounds, I heard Ron say, "What's a tinkle-room?"

Harry's tentative reply was, "Whatever it is, I hope it isn't where they keep anything explosive. Judging the look on Karen's face, Malfoy won't make it to his next class."

Shaking my head at their lack of knowledge about the modern world, I strolled past a group of fifth years and then pulled Jodie into an empty classroom. I locked the door and sat down in one of those dinky medieval wooden seats.

"So?" Jodie asked. "What have you brewed up this time? Does it involve Malfoy getting hurt? I'd like that."

"Come on, Jodie," I replied. "What kind of revenge plan would this be if Malfoy didn't get hurt?"

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Jodie and I, after having discussed every possible aspect of our little revenge plan, walked back to the Gryffindor common room. However, right when we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, the bell rang for our next class…which I had no idea what the heck it was.

"Well," I said with a sigh, "I think it's time for some major brain tweaking."

Jodie's response: "… ... ... ...Maybe you should go sit down on that rock over there, Karen. I think Malfoy's gotten to your head."

I said, "I don't know about you, but I don't ever remember Hermione telling us what class we had next…"

"Ahhh...That makes more sense," said Jodie.

"Yeah…" I replied. "And I really don't want to go up to some random person and, like, just ask them what class Gryffindors have next, because what if they AREN'T a Gryffindor?? That'd be kinda embarrassing…"

Jodie muttered, "Never bothered you before…"

I narrowed my eyes and said, "WHAT did you say???"

"Emmm…." Jodie apparently decided to live a long and healthy life. "They won't smother you at four?"

I kept on looking at her suspiciously but continued, "So we have to do some serious remembering and remember what class Hermione and co. have after their break. Okay? Okay. Ready, set…..go!"

We sat in silence, trying to remember.

After about, oh, three minutes, Jodie sat up and exclaimed, "I got it! They go to the fat dude's class! Aha! Am I a genius, or am I a genius?"

"Kindly expand on the so-called term 'fat dude' and, by the by, in civilized society, it's considered a tad bit rude to call someone 'the fat dude', you know, just if you didn't know," I said in a voice suggesting she knew just about nothing about anything civilized.

Glaring at me, Jodie explained, "Ya know, that old, fat dude in the book, old whatshisface…Slughorn! Also, you should be talking. Civilized my left butt cheek."

"Well," I said, getting up, "come on. Let's go!"

We found our way through the maze of numerous hallways and passages (amazingly) and walked into the dungeon, humming the Pirates of the Caribbean theme under our breath.

Walking into the dungeon classroom was like walking into…well, a dungeon. The sole occupant was a corpulent…no _obese_ man who was flitting from little pot to little pot. Seeing us, he grinned. "Welcome to sixth-year Potions class. Please sit, sit! Class will begin shor- Harry!"

We turned around to see Harry enter the classroom with Ron and Hermione.

"How good it is to see you again! And who are your friends?" Slughorn inquired.

"Well, this is Ron and Her--" But Professor Slughorn already walked off. Shrugging, Harry motioned towards us to sit with them.

As more students filed into the room, Slughorn strode to the front and said, "Now then, now then, now then. Scales out everyone, and potion kits, and don't forget your copies of _Advanced Potion-Making_…."

"Uh, Mr. Slughorn? Jodie and I don't have anything 'cuz we're Muggles and haven't got any money soooo…yeah. Oh, Ron and Harry don't have any either," I said.

"Ah, yes, Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore did mention something along the lines of that…not to worry, my dear girl, not to worry at all. You can use ingredients from the store cupboard today, and I'm sure we can lend you some scales, and we've got a small stock of old books here, they'll do until you can visit Flourish and Blotts…."

Professor Slughorn walked to a cabinet in the corner and drew out four books and scales. When he placed them on our table, I quickly scrambled to find the Prince's book. Shuffling through the books, I picked it up and walked back to my seat. I smiled smugly and said, "Haha…you just wait until I show him my genius. With the Prince's book, I'll be drowned in crystallized pineapple."

Chuckling at me, Jodie went to get a book also. Opening it, she developed a confused look. "Uh, Karen. I thought you said _you _have the Prince's book." She looked at me and held up her book, which was filled with scribbled notes in the margins and in between the lines.

I looked at her, my face screwed up in mock pain. "How could you betray me that way?!! I trusted you!!!!" I pretend-swooned and promptly fell out of my chair. Climbing back up, I looked at Jodie sheepishly and said, "So…how did you get it? I thought _I_ picked it up."

She grinned at me. "Luck, I guess."

"Oops, sorry m'dear." Professor Slughorn's ample girth knocked into our table, knocking some of the books onto the floor, and Jodie's book just happened to be among them.

"Shit," Jodie swore, scrambling to pick up the Prince's book and sighed in relief when she got it. "Whew. That was clo- WHAT!! Wait one freakin' second!!"

I looked at Harry's book and saw the familiar scribble on the yellow pages.

Jodie glanced in my direction.

I smirked. "Luck, huh?"

"Shaddup," Jodie growled.

"Ooo…it bites, I'm soooo scared," I teased her.

Jodie plopped her head down miserably. Slughorn strode back up to the front of the room. "Now then, I've prepared a few potions for you to have a look at, just out of interest, you know. The first few should be familiar, but the last one…the last one, I want to see who can figure it out."

Jodie and I grinned at each other. We had memorized the sixth Harry Potter book and could recite all the lines by heart.

Slughorn pointed at one cauldron and asked, "Anyone tell me what this one is?"

Before anyone could answer, all heads seemed to turn towards the doorway where one Draco Malfoy was trying to slink in the classroom without being noticed. Ahhh, Malfoy. This is going to be sooo fun. Everyone seemed to be astonished at his undignified manner, but Jodie and I, on the other hand, knew exactly why the pompous Malfoy might be acting the way he was. And frankly, that's exactly what I would do if I was him. What we've got prepared for him won't exactly make him smile.

"Veritaserum," I said calmly to Slughorn. "A colorless, odorless potion that forces the drinker to tell the truth." Looking over at Hermione, I felt a little guilty for stealing her line.

By then, Malfoy had reached his destination, a seat in the far corner, as far away as possible from Jodie and me (I prefer to think of it as from _me_). (Jodie: Remember the ego.) (Karen: You better.)

After recovering and shaking his head to make sure what he'd seen actually happened, Slughorn replied, "Very good! Now, this is pretty well known….Featured in a few Ministry leaflets lately too….Who can--?"

Jodie raised her hand the moment he gestured towards it, saying, "It's Polyjuice Potion, Mr. Sluggy. It let's you transform into anyone if you have something that's a part of them."

"Excellent! I didn't think that non-magic users would know so much."

"Well, we did read the whole boo-" Jodie glared at me. "-Potions book," I finished, looking at her defiantly. I then looked at the dejected Hermione, who was upset at being beat to answering the questions, and looked down uncomfortably. Jodie and I looked at each other, and we made a unanimous decision telepathically.

"Well, then. Now this one is very difficult to recognize. I don't expect you to but…" Professor Slughorn started.

"It's Amortentia!" Hermione cut in, finally getting to answer a question. "It's the most powerful love potion in the world!"

"You're quite right! I suppose you recognize it by its mother-of-pearl sheen?" Slughorn chortled.

Hermione leaned forward eagerly. "Yes, yes exactly. And the steam rising in characteristic spirals, and it's supposed to smell differently to each of is, according to what attracts us, and I can smell freshly mown grass and new parchment and the sweet cologne of--" She stopped abruptly and blushed. (I have a clear and upsetting idea of what she was about to say. WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND RON??? SHE'S GOT BROWN HAIR AND HE'S GOT RED FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!! THEIR CHILDREN WOULD HAVE…er…RED/BROWN-SO-MAYBE-AROUND-PUKE-ORANGE COLORED HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ummm, ew?)

Slughorn looked bemused (a strange look for a face like his) and asked her, "May I ask your name please?"

She hesitated and replied, "Hermione Granger, sir."

"Granger? Granger? Can you possibly be related to Hector Dagworth Granger, who founded the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers?"

"No, I don't think so, sir. I'm Muggle-born, you see."

Slughorn looked surprise and addressed Harry, "Oho! _'One of my best friends is Muggle-born, and she's the best in our year!'_ I'm assuming this is the very friend of whom you spoke, Harry?"

Harry answered, "Yes, professor."

"Well, well, take twenty well-earned points for Gryffindor, Miss Granger!"

Jodie nudged me and pointed in Malfoy's direction. I giggled when I saw his face. It looked like he had just been spoken to by our friend Siwen's little sister (if you've ever spoken to her, you will be amazed to see that she can speak, like, sixty-five words a minute. Jodie's tried to copy her…but…to no avail.) (Jodie: -sigh-).

Hermione beamed at Harry. "Did you really tell him I'm best in the year? Oh, Harry!"

"Oh, Harry!" I mimicked and Jodie grinned.

"Well, what's so impressive about that?" Ron looked annoyed. "You _are_ the best in the year -- I'd have told him so if he'd asked _me_!"

"Don't be jealous, Ron. I'm sure there will be _someone_ for you…somewhere…over the rainbow…" Jodie condoled.

"Quiet now. Alright, it is time for us to start work." Slughorn pointed at a golden cauldron in the corner of the room. "This will be the prize. A wonderfully curious potion called Felix Felicis." Hearing Hermione's gasp, he smiled, "I take it, that you know what Felix Felicis does, Miss Granger?"

She answered in an excited hush, "It's liquid luck! It makes you lucky!"

I elbowed Jodie. "Wish you had some, huh."

She grimaced.

"Quite right, take another ten points for Gryffindor. Yes, it's a funny little potion, Felix Felicis," said Slughorn. "Desperately tricky to make, and disastrous to get wrong, However, if brewed correctly, as this has been, you will find that all your endeavors tend to succeed…at least until the effects wear off."

Everyone started perking up at the sound of that.

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Everything happened exactly the way it did in the book after that. The class had to make the Living Draught of Death, the person who makes the best potion gets the Felix Felicis, Harry makes the best potion, he gets the Felix Felicis, everyone is happy, yada yada yada. Let's fast-forward to the more interesting part, the part that I know you are just dying to know what happens.

The class ended and Harry was really excited and Hermione was really suspicious and Ron was really jealous and Jodie and I, we were, well, being us I guess. And we walked out of the classroom, heading towards the Gryffindor common room. Malfoy was waaaay behind us, at the back of the group leaving the class, trying to keep a safe and far distance away from us (me). As the flow of the crowd pulled everyone forward, Jodie and I stalled, as planned, and let others pass us. Oblivious Malfoy was walking steadily, being propelled by the current. Jodie and I blended in with the crowd and drew nearer and nearer to the Hated One. I reached into my black Mononoke bag (A tribute to Jamie! Those who don't get this, it's kinda an inside joke-thing so yeah…) and drew out our secret weapon.

"Go, Jodie, go, go, go!" I hissed.

Jodie stealthily approached the Hated One, not yet letting him see her as she hummed the Mission Impossible theme song. I, on the other hand, was still faithfully humming the Pirates of the Caribbean song. (Karen: Hey, it just seems more dramatic and stuff with some swashbuckling music in the background.) She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "It's show time."

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Hey look, there's a butt…ahem, bug…and a little yellow ball of fire in the blue sky, and some white puffy things, and a big clear magnifying thing with a handle between the sun and the bug…and the bug is getting hot…I think there is steam coming off…and the bug is going sizzle…sizzle…sizzle…and the bug is writhing in agony...BUAHAHAHA!!!...okeii, evil moment over…okeii, the bug isn't moving anymore…now wat? ah. story. right. yesh. -grin-

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Jodie walked right up to Malfoy, smiled coyly (Jodie: I can't believe I'm doing this.) (Karen: -gag- Someone get me a bucket.), and said in a flirtatious voice while batting her eyelashes, "Heyyyy, cutiiieee."

Malfoy stopped dead in his tracks. Eyes? Like big blue bowling balls. Mouth? All the way down on the ground. Mind? Vegetative state. (-drool-) Perfect. I snuck up behind him and dropped our secret weapon into the bag which hung on his shoulder, and awestruck Malfoy never noticed a thing. He was still too busy staring at Jodie with unconcealed dumbstruck-ness. Even _more _perfect. I took out a pair of small scissors that I always kept with me for protection (eyeballs are very delicate appendages) and usefulness and stuff, and I proceeded to cut a long slit in his bag that went from the top to the bottom of Malfoy's bag. I backed away a bit to be safe, and just then, Malfoy came out of his stupor.

"Wazzat?" he asked groggily in a confused sort of way.

Ever smooth, Jodie merely said, "Oh, Karen's looking for you. Oh look! She's over there!" She pointed in the direction opposite from me.

Malfoy proceeded to walk in the direction opposite to the direction that Jodie had pointed at which was opposite to the direction opposite to me (a.k.a. he was walking right towards me). (Jodie: Reverse psychology. -sigh happily- It's a beautiful thing.) He walked hurriedly in a frightened manner right by me, and I stuck out my leg right into his path (gracefully of course) and he, well, tripped. Slllloooooooowwwww mooooooottttiiiiiiiooooonnn: "Wooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" yelled Malfoy as he tripped and proceeded to fly like Superman above the heads of his fellow students. He was going and going and…going. "AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" he shouted as he realized by the forces of aerodynamics and physics and such that the end of the trajectory and projectile that he had started with his momentum would probably lead to him to land flat on his face on the marble floor. Sadly, he didn't really hit his face because his arms were what he _really_ landed on, cushioning his fall. Well, I guess it's kind of better that he didn't smash his pretty face and break his nose or sommat… But the whole falling part isn't the main part of the revenge plan. Oh, no, it's the bag that he was carrying that we should focus our attention on. You see, as he was falling, his bag ripped wide open and all his stuff flew out to land with much clattering nearby by his prone form. And now for the master…

"Omigod! Malfoy!" I gasped in a worried voice, running up to him and kneeling beside him to help him up.

I brushed back his bangs which were usually gelled up but had come loose during his amazing flight in the air. (Jodie: You did that just to touch him, didn't you?) (Karen: -pout- So WAT if I _did_??) (Jodie: -snickersnicker-) (Karen: Don't make me tell our fans about a certain Viggo poster above your bed that you--) (Jodie: -interrupt- I haff no idea what you are talking about. -faintblush-) (Karen: Riiiiiiiight.) His eyes looked a bit dazed, but he didn't seem to have anything broken.

I caressed his cheek, concern in my eyes, and asked, "Are you okay?"

" 'M fine," he mumbled, still dazed.

Quite a group had gathered to see what had happened and why the heck was there some guy hurtling through the air. Even more _more_ perfect. Malfoy sat up slowly, rubbing his head with his fingers. He must have had a killer headache.

"Here," I said, "I'll help you gather up your things."

I got up and picked up various items, from parchment to ink to cauldrons to scales to quills to combs to hair gel to…pink and frilly Barbie??? Jackpot.

"Omigod!" I exclaimed, covering my mouth with my hand as if in horror. "Malfoy?" I asked, a question in my eyes.

"What?" he slurred.

"What's…this?" I asked hesitantly.

I held up the pink and frilly blonde-haired blue-eyed Barbie for all to see. Malfoy paled.

"What is that?" he asked frantically. "What the heck is that?? I don't have anything to do with that!!! I swear!!!! I don't even know what it is!!!!"

The crowd gave quite a murmur at what they saw before them, and those in the front passed on what they saw to the back in hushed whispers of "Malfoy has a Barbie!" and "He claims not to own it…" and "Don't they all?" and "It's pink and frilly…" and "OMG.". Malfoy was looking around in horror, realizing that no one believed him.

He turned to me and I said in an appalled voice, "Malfoy! I never knew."

"Well, well, well," Jodie smirked, "I knew something like this was bound to happen with you in the picture. Congratulations, Malfoy, you just broke Karen's poor heart."

Malfoy responded pleadingly, "I swear, I've never seen it before in my life. Please. Believe me." He turned to face the crowd again. "It's not mine! It's not mine!!!!!"

No one seemed to believe him, and one by one, the people walked away, shocked, but not shocked enough to unable to pass on the tale. I was pretty sure the school would be in a buzz by the next bell. Malfoy picked up his stuff, slung his bag back onto his shoulder, and proceeded to shuffle down the hall with his head down. The crowd in front of him parted as he walked down the hall and once the students saw him they all stopped talking to stare at him with wide eyes.

I gave Jodie who was currently smirking her head off a high-five and remarked, "Nice one with the broken heart thing."

I turned to watch Malfoy's blonde head disappear around the corner and felt kinda sad at having to go to such drastic measures and at having hurt him. (Karen: But my heart was NOT broken.) (Jodie: -scoff- Riiiight.) But hadn't Hermione had enough of that Mudblood stuff? That was just plain mean. She's as good as any of 'em.

I turned back to a smirking Jodie who was standing by me and said in an innocent voice, "Ya know, those big, old Slytherins? They're mighty clumsy, aren't they? _Especially_ those Slytherins who tease Hermione; they're _so_ clumsy and accident-prone. I somehow get this, oh, feeling, premonition if you will, that there's gonna be a mighty lot of itty-bitty accidents _this _school year."

Jodie just kept on smirking.

"I never knew about _that_ facet of your personality, Jodie," I teased, changing the topic of our little discussion (in which I was doing most of the talking). "Were you preparing for Viggo when he comes around to visit little, old California? Is that it?"

Jodie glared at me and said, "That was completely against my inner nature--"

"-snort- WHAT inner nature?" I scoffed.

"—as you perfectly well know," she insisted.

I just smiled a yeah-I-_totally_-believe-you smile at the red-faced Jodie. This year is just gonna be sooo fun.

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Jodie's End Note: Hiya ppl! I just want to share with you something...something amazing...something mind-boggling...something...er...um...I forgot what I was going to say...WAIT!! I remember!! Ok...you know how I mentioned my friend, Siwen's, little sister? Well, I told her that we mentioned her in our story and she went, "Yes! I'm on the road to being famous! -pose- -pose- -pose-"...it was kinda funny. On a sadder note... ... ...I'M MOVING -SOB- -SOB- -WAIL-!!! My dad works in China and my mom is going through her mid-life crisis so it ends up that I'm moving to China for two years when school ends. Probably (at the rate Karen writes and edits, the next chapter will be written via e-mail. Don't you say it's going to be a good experience 'cuz you wouldn't say that unless you've actually LIVED there for 2 months...I mean, it's got it's ups but who wants to be a true Californian Asian freshmen at a new European high school!!!! (Oh yeah, I've realized that the only people who say that it's going to be a great experience for me are ADULTS. Everybody else is sad to see me go.)

Karen's Note (Again): I LUV ALL YOUS WHO REVIEWED!!!! KEEP IT UP!!!!! Umm…yeah, that's it. Oh, wait!!! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out on July 21st!!! WHOOHOO!!!! I HOPE RON DIES!!! (Jodie: -snortandchokeonthehotcocoawiththe lilwhitemarshmallowsfloatingontopshewasdrinkingandstartcoughingreallybadlybutlaughinginagreementathesametime-) (Ron: HEYYY!!!!! I HEARD THAT!!!!) I know. XDDD But seriously, I do. XDDDD Hope you enjoyed my chappie!!! That should be enough Malfoy for YOU, huh Gurleen? And I must say I do feel as if my 29 page long chapter has taken back whatever Jodie stole from me with her two continuous chapters. If you have any comments, ideas, or praise, REVIEW!!!! We're _always_ open to new ideas for our story! Baiiiiii, faithful readers!!!! (Oh, I almost forgot, the for the "Heyyy, cutie." part is an inside joke. For anybody who went to TAYL this summer and knew Byron and is reading/read our story...you'll get it. XDDDDDD Yeah... BAIIIIIIIII!)


	6. Potatoes, Caffeine, and A Hottie or Two

JN: WOW!! It's been a year since our last update and I have to say...SOB...it's all my fault. I'm so sorry WAIL and if HICCUP I can ever ever EVAH apologize SOBWAILHICCUP in any way (short of killing myself, torturing myself, depriving myself of anything...and that leaves...oh) please say so!! tear. Eh anyways, Karen has declined to write a KN because she is speechless in my almighty presence. Nah, it's because she can't think of anything to say right now. So let's just wish Karen a happy 14th birthday (which makes all of OUR characters outdated now). Btw, I am currently going to start rewriting the first chapter so stay tuned for the rewritten first chapter! The reason is because it seems that that's the chapter that's turning people off, so I'm gonna fix that XDDD. Anyhoo. ENJOY!! ...and review.

MeloveTreCool: Oh noes!! We DID forget. But it's not my fault. ... ...-looksaroundfrantically- It's Karen's! (Karen: Oi!). Lolzers. Thing is though, since we're so far into the story, and I don't know what was cool 10-15 year's back, I think we should keep it in the same voice. 'Cuz a lot (Karen: alotalotalotalot--) of the story has stuff about recent stuff included. Besides, it's fiction isn't it? :) We can change some things. Hmm...we can say that we took the whoooole Harry Potter Universe into a time traveling telephone booth into the future for one Hogwarts school year! :D (Karen: I think that's stretchin' it a bit too far, Jodie.)

Yui: Okay. I have no idea who you are, but apparently Karen does, and if Karen likes you, so do I. So... ... ...Let's be friends! (Karen: Ahem, okay. YUIIII err Elim? Hmm haven't talked to you in a while...I'm going to ATDP!! But uh no jap for me this year. Maybe I'll see you tho . THANKS FOR REVIEWING SOOOOOO MUCH hehe yeah we're kinda weird XD but you already knew that...)

Siwen: YAY!! Siwen likes our story!! I put a lot of stock in your opinion, Siwen, so you should feel very privileged. xP

Noodle Addikt: Okay, 1) the Mononono baggie thingy wasn't my idea. It was Karen's. So 2) It's her fault. K? And thank you for your tears, but I'd rather have hugs. They're more happy-inducing. UPDATE 10/24/07: Haha, at first, I had no idea what a Monokuro bag was, then since I'm in china, I kept seeing these little piggy designs so I realized that they were the Monononono thingys. (AHA THE MONONONO THINGIE GAINED ANOTHER NO...I find that strangely amusing. xD Sounds like it gained weight... o.o I think I lost myself.) lol. They're cute! Oh...and here's a little tribute to you! See if you can find it!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing here except me, my dog, my stuff, Karen (Karen: Oi!), and Wang Shao Wei (Karen: You wish.) (Me: I do.), and a magnificent talent at singing...coughcough Oh, ya, something new. There is actually a line in here taken directly from Deathly Hallows. (:O!! xD) See if you can spot it. That line belongs sole-y to J.K. Rowling until 70 years after her death as per say the patent/copy-write thingymabobber. (Who says you can't learn anything at a rich International School?)_

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"Jodie?"

"It's a Saturday, Mom. Five more minutes," I mumbled groggily.

"Um, Jodie?"

"Go 'way. I'm sleeping."

Someone sighed. "This isn't working, Hermione. Here, let me try….. ... ...WAKE UP, JODIE, YOU OVERRIPE SACK OF POTATOES!!"

Jolted awake, I came up swinging, attempting to clock whoever was talking about vegetables. "Holy Bajeezus and Baby Bajeezus!! Karen! The sun's not even out yet! Can't you guys just let me sleep?? You're as bad as Siwen at science camp!" I glared around the room.

Karen was smirking, as usual, having easily ducked my feeble attempt to smack her on the side of her annoying little head while still half-asleep. Hermione was grinning at our (what she terms "outrageous and just plain outright") behaviors, as usual. Lavender Brown was looking at us in distaste, as usual. Parvati was looking bored, as usual. Dammit, why is everything always the same here?? I'm surprised they didn't die of boredom before I, (Karen: Ahem.) er, and Karen (Karen: 'I and Karen'...If Mrs. Peterson was here, I highly suspect that she would be looking for the electrical cord by now.) arrived. I mean, seriously! Ms. Conflicted Color's nose is so high up that the aliens who helped build the Great Wall of China could probably see it. Parvati Patil too! (Her name kinda sounds like Perverted Petal doesn't it? Then again, let's not go there...back to the ranting). I'd think that she's probably bored by now of being bored. Geez. It's been like--

"Jodie?"

--a whole week already, and I'm quite sure that I haven't seen one change of emotion flit across those two fa--

"Um, Jodie?"

--ces. Not even a different kind of distaste or a different kind of bored.

"You know, Hermione? I'm sensing a little deja vu here."

Maybe their faces are stuck like that.

"CAN YOU PLEASE WAKE UP NOW? WE'RE LOSING DAYLIGHT HERE!!"

-whooshwithalittlehighwhistlingoverheadasIfallbacktoEarth- Jolted (again) out of my intense mental ranting, I looked up at the two pissed off girls above me. "Ya know, Karen. The yelling gets old fast. After a while, you start sounding like that teacher from Charlie Brown. The one that goes wahwahwahwahwa--" I faltered,"... ...Wait a second. That wasn't you!!" I looked at Hermione. "Wow, Hermione. I've never heard you yell before...well there was that time in the fourth movie that you went, like, totally ballistic at Ron but that movie sucked so mu-- Waitwaitwait...did you just yell at me, Hermione??"

Karen looked a bit awestruck as she answered slowly, as if she was not comprehending what had just happened before her very eyes (or ears), "Yes, Jodie. She did yell at you. And she used a slangy-not-British-like phrase too."

Hermione's eyes widened, her hand pressed to her mouth as if she didn't know that an inner anger demon resided in her teacher's-pet-angel-of-the-classroom soul.

My eyes teared up. "Look, Karen. Our little goody-girl has finally grown up! I do believe that was her first temper flare."

"I do believe you're quite right. LET'S CELEBRATE! DRINKS ALL AROUND!!"

A shaky and still-recovering-from-shock voice intruded our little victory dance. "Um, guys. We're kinda getting off track. You need to go to Diagon Alley to get your supplies, remember? And Harry, Ron, and I were told to accompany you."

I jumped out of bed, energized by the prospect of a new day and the anticipation of more non-Hermione like outbursts from our pet (She insists on the term "caretaker", but we all know who's taking care of whom. Showing her the ropes, we are.). "Okay! Just let me change out of my PJ's and stuff and let's go! We can pick up something to eat on our way or something. What time is it?"

Hermione replied in an instant, "5:26 A.M. We need to leave an hour after sunrise, which is approximately 6:26 considering that the date today is September 8th..." she trailed off. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Well, I don't know. Maybe because you memorized the whole friggin' sunrise thingamabobber!! That's just way scary," I said, walking toward the bathroom (or water closet as they call it there, I think) with today's choice of clothing (Which, of course, I picked with fashionably stylish taste..actually, not really. More like the first things I picked up.), "not to mention unnatural. Anyways, you guys just follow all the irresistible smells to breakfast while I change."

When I did all my stuff, I walked out of the bathroom and down to the Great Hall, which was completely empty except for a couple of 7th years trying to do homework they left till the last minute. Seeing Karen and Hermione and co. getting up from the Gryffindor table, I waved and walked towards them, snatching an (uneaten) apple from one the last-minuters who was so intent on his paper that he didn't even notice, the sucker. (One of the rules I live by: Laugh while you can. Life's more fun that way...and you can burn calories!) (I had a nagging feeling that that's where Karen and I would be sitting quite oftenly at this time of day doing the same thing once we started class. Support last-minute essays! And uh...don't tell Hermione I said that.)

"Don't tell me that _that_ is what you're going to wear today, Jodie," Karen sneered at me goodnaturedly in her Abercrombie and Fitch glory.

"What?" I looked down at myself and took in my clothes. Comfortable jeans, a black cami, a white denim jacket, my collection of wristbands (Save Darfur everybody! Cancer would be pretty cool if it was cured too!), my wide-band spwarkly watch, and a pair of well-worn converses.

Karen took me in from head to toe. "Please tell me that you didn't just throw on the first thing you picked up."

"Of course I didn't!" Dang it, she knows me too well. "I put on _carefully_ the first thing I picked up."

"Those jeans are from China AND fake, aren't they."

"So? They're comfortable. And no, Karen. The cami is NOT from China; I think it's actually from Taiwan...more expensive you know...though the shoes might be. I forget. But that's besides the point. Hi, Harry. Hey, Ron." I stole a swig of pumpkin juice (tasted really weird, but I was thirsty and there wasn't any iced tea around) from Karen's cup (or goblet or chalice or unholy grail or whatever) and rolled my eyes as I noticed that Ron and Harry didn't say anything back, choosing to eye me uneasily instead, like a bomb about to explode at any second (Something I get a lot...guess they're just jealous of my awesome-ness.)."You know, guys, I've been thinking..."

"Wow! Really, Jodie! I didn't know that you were capable of doing anything remotely complex as that!" Karen interrupted jovially.

I shot back carelessly, "Yes. Shocking isn't it, how there are some things that I can do and you can't. Anyways, I've been thinking that we've left Eskie in the Room of Requirement long enough. We should take him out with us. He could use some exercise...he's probably, like, really fat right now. Not that he wasn't before, the lazy fuzz ball, but that's also besides the point. Okay? Okay. That's settled. Let's go get him."

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"Whoa. I see green." I looked around. As previously stated, I saw green--perfectly perfect green grass stretching across the horizon, as far as the eye could see. The only thing marring the over-sized lawn was a white blur. And a brown blur. Well, lots of brown blurs. Guess what they were. Yes, we were in the Room of Requirement, and yes, we stowed my dog away in there for a bit and left him in the room along with a ton of food and doggy toys and the like. But, no, we did not teach him how to use the room...he seemed to have figured_ that_ out himself. The white blur was him. And the brown blurs...the brown blurs were squirrels.

Oh dear.

It took us a while to herd him out the door (It involved a lot of shoving on my part and much anguished howling at the loss of his squirrels on his part. Really. Men these days.), and from there, it only got worse. When he was pushed out, we heard a terrible high-pitched scream. Karen and I looked at each other fearfully.

"I'M GOING TO DIE I'M GOING TO DIE I'M GOING TO DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!"

Karen ran out to investigate, and came back shortly after,sighing with relief as she leaned against the wall for support.

"Whew, I thought somebody was getting killed or something," Karen grinned at me.

"SAVE ME!! SAVE ME!! I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!! I DON'T WANT TO BE MAULED BY A GIANT RAT!!" Lavender Brown screamed as Eskie jumped all over her, pawing at her clothes, and then attempting to sniff her butt.

"-gasp- Oh no you didn't." My face turned thunderous (or lightning-ish at least). "How DARE you! How DARE you insult my dog!! He is NOT a rat...he is of the fine family of Canis and of the noble house of Familiaris! Not that you would recognize the distinguish-ness of this distinguished family, Miss Conflicted Colors. Come here, boy," I called Eskie over while glaring claymores at her. "It's okay. Don't let that animal get to you."

Brushing off my attempts to stab her with my eyes, Lavender said flippantly while reapplying her makeup, lip gloss, blush, eyeshadow, etc., "Don't you worry, I would never let a mere animal get to me."

"Um, I think she was talking to the dog," Karen told her. "But that's okay, at least she didn't call you a pig."

"That pig won't hurt you, boy. I would never let her."

Hermione snickered. (Wow. She just made me day. I'm so proud of her. wistful/motherly/tearysmile)

Ron looked at Lavender sympathetically.

Harry sighed, "Let's go, guys. We should've been out by now."

After composing herself back to being the British-teacher's-pet-angel-of-the-classroom she was, Hermione coughed gently and said, "Harry's right. Jodie, Karen? Stop abusing Confli--Lavender and follow us."

I looked at Karen and she shrugged (That was the signal for "maybe we should 'come quietly' just this once"), so I did. Of course, the term "come quietly" is debatable. This is our definition:

"Oooooh!! Jodiejodiejodiejodiejodiejodie!! Did you SEE that FOB-y guy with that awesome Taiwanese-styled hair!! He was soooooo CUUUUTE!"

"Yeah, yeah, if you like a guy whose hair looks like you cut it."

...

...

"Look! It's Sam Wang Shao Wei. OH!! AND JAY CHOU TO!!"

"WHEREWHEREWHEREWHERE?! ... ... ... ...Karen?!"

-smirk-

"Um, guys?"

Repeat that about every 10 minutes separated by awkward moments of silence and you've got the general idea. Eventually, we got to the Leaky Cauldron and that funny looking brick wall. Harry took over then (Strong and silent as usual...though mostly just silent.) and did that random tappy thing. When a door appeared in the wall, we saw something akin to the Xidan Market of China--chaos and bargaining. A.k.a. "heaven".

"OMGOMGOMG!! That's soo cute! Can we get that? Pleeeeaaase."

"Oh! Look at that lwittle gerbil! No!! NO! I will not be sucked down the vorpal of cuteness! I am devoutly loyal to ESKIE!!... ... ...But...it's... ... ...KEWT!! AHH!! ESKIE! Stay here! Don't go sniffing random wizard butts. That's not polite!"

"Um...girls?"

"Huh?"

"Did you say something, Karen?"

"No."

"Oh, okay."

Eventually, we ignored the shopping list and just bought a ton of junk including a very expensive amethyst (or so they said it was but I wasn't so sure...anyways, Karen still would have loved it even if it was made out of plastic because it was lavender...yes, she is that obsessed) necklace for Karen and a kinda African mojo-ish bracelet for me. Exiting Diagon Alley, we dragged the three pooped wizards and singularly hyper dog around London to do some _real_ shopping...window only because Londonese money was not part of the Ambassadorial Package. Of course, whenever you enter a big city, there is always something you are sure to encounter...

"STARBUCKS! Whoo! Ya think it's time to introduce to Ron what a latte is?" I whooped in Karen's general direction while being inexorably drawn toward the cafe. Beside me, the same magnetic force was pulling on Karen.

"Booyah! I forgot that there are some people in the world who don't know what coffee is. Hey, Harry! Ever taken a shot of caffeine before? It'll cure you of everything, I swear. Including that strong-silent syndrome you have. Hm...you think dogs are allowed in there?"

Together, we dragged the quartuo (or whatever you call three wizards and a dog) along with us. Hermione was more than willing, as she decided that she needed a drink before she could survive going out again with us. Harry and Ron were a bit more reluctant.

"What's a latte? Why do we need to take a shot of it? It better not be some sort of torture device! Let go of me! Somebody save me! I'm being kidnapped by two girls trying to shoot me!!"

Hermione reprimanded him tiredly as we each sank into our own sleek, black, modern stools (you gotta love the Europeans). "Oh do be quiet, Ronald. I'll go order...what do you two...two...-yawn-...two girls want?"

Karen and I said simultaneously, "Two caramel frappucinos, grande, no whip cream, three-quarters sugar, with extra milk, and only a dash of caramel sauce, thank you very much."

Karen added, "Oh yeah, and give Harry a Cinnamon Dolce Latte--"

"--and get Ron apple juice," I cut in.

Karen snickered while Hermione smiled a bit. Harry was asleep, and Ron didn't know whether to feel offended or not.

"Aw, just kidding. How 'bout Coffee of the Week for you ickle Ronnykins?"

He gave me the finger.

"Ouch, I'm wounded. By the way, ya think Karen will recover from the shock of Malfoy being..."

Ron, seeing where the conversation was going, perked up immediately. A mixture of awe, happy revulsion, and malicious glee crossed his face. (Yeah, his face looked pretty screwed up.) (As usual.) (Karen: Now, now, no need to state the obvious, Jodie.) (Jodie: My mistake.) "I don't believe it!! I just don't believe it!! I never thought Malfoy was a-a-a-, oh, I really can't believe this!!"

Karen spared him an arrogant look while glaring at me for implying her obsession. "Well, don't. Because it isn't true."

Ron hit earth with a shattering crash. "What?!"

I spared him a pitying glance, "Didn't that Barbie look familiar at all? Pink and ruffles? Dinging any bell?"

(_five minutes later after a lengthy silence in which the only noise was Eskie panting and much rolling of the eyes by Karen and me--I mean if rolling eyeballs had a sound)_

"Oi! That was the freakin' doll that Karen gave to you that you used to bop me on the head and chase me around with during free period!"

_"Now_ he realizes." Karen looked at me pointedly.

"Whaaaat. I was bored!!" I snickered, "But that _was_ funny. Ron running from a pink-covered Barbie. -looksblissful- Now _that_ is one memory I hope to keep with me forever."

Ron spluttered at us, "You mean...you mean you PLANNED all of that?? _You_ put the doll in his bag?? Which _you_ slit wide open?? You were ACTING??"

"Yup."

"Yeah."

He continued to splutter, "And you did all that just because he called Hermione a Mudblood?"

"Yup."

"Yeah." Karen twirled a plastic straw absentmindedly.

I took it out of her hand and threw it at Harry who had fallen asleep, "She is sooo much cooler than mud."

Karen and Ron looked at me as if I belonged somewhere nice and safe...preferably tied up and gagged. Harry snorted and then continued to sleep. Man, he's got, like, NO stamina!! He needs a SERIOUS visit to Taiwan and do some SERIOUS shopping at the night markets. We'll bring him with us and he can carry all our bags. Anyhoo...

I shrugged. "It's okay, Ron, you're cooler than mud too." I looked at Karen a bit sadly...and turned away quickly.

Finally getting my implications, Karen glared virtual daggers at me. "Hey!"

Following Harry's example, I snorted and then told Ron, "Anyways, he had it coming."

"And now...now everyone's going to think Malfoy's...you know." Ron stared dreamily into space. "Wow. And to think that we've been here at Hogwarts with Malfoy for six whole years and we've never been able to get him bad. Then _you_ guys come along and by the second day, thanks to _your_ evil work, the whole school thinks he's GAY! I have to admit, you guys are pretty diabolical...but then again, we knew that already."

"Thanks." Karen smiled at him warmly, probably the very first time she'd endowed him with a genuine one.

"Say that again; this time I've got a tape-recorder. But seriously, no need to be so narrow-minded. Gay people are actually quite nicer than some people I can name, and considerably smarter too than others..."

My partner-in-diabolically-insane-crime laughed and we did our little handshake: -slapslapclapturnarou--eh, you get the point.

"Just kidding, Ron, just kidding. Buddies?

He looked at each of us uncertainly. "Er...well..."

I tried again."Fine, friends?"

"Ummmm..."

Getting irritated, I slammed my palm against the little round Starbucks table (drawing stares in the meantime). "Comrades??"

Karen wheedled, "Awww, come on, man, do it for Hermione!! You know she considers us, like, her best buds! Right, Hermione?"

Hermione, having just arrived with our orders, had absolutely nada idea about what was going on and from the look on her face...didn't want to. "Please leave me out of this," was all she could manage.

Taking the cup that Hermione gave him, Ron looked at us...or rather, at the palm that had slapped the table with such force that a hairline crack could be seen (oh, wait...no, that was just part of the table artwork...). He sighed, "Okay, comrades. -shakehands- I just hope I never get on your guys' bad sides."

Karen nodded sympathetically in agreement. "Me too. _That_ would be ugly," she added with particular relish, "and would also include lots of pink and frilly dress robes, Sharpies, your journal, oh, and your boxers."

Ron shuddered with frightened apprehension (kinda wussy for a 16 year old)...and I shuddered with disgust at his shudder and at Karen's random evil plans that just pop up any random time.

"Fun!" Karen clapped her hands together gleefully.

"Geez, Karen. Talk about hitting low and going personal. Even_ I_ don't get these perv brain blasts." I took a sip of my holy grail of stimulating legal drugs. "Go ahead and drink up, Ron, we're not gonna poison you today."

He looked at the cup tentatively and sniffed it. A look of disgust crossed his freckled, acne-riddled faced. "God, that's revolting."

The cashier heard; she shot Ron a nasty look as she took the orders of the next customers, a plump, simple-looking business man who was carrying a mile-high tower of boxes for his lady love, a ferocious-looking woman with beady eyes, a hooked nose that could kill, and a shockingly large bosom.

Both Karen and I looked at Ron in shock, amazed to find anyone who was able to resist caffeine. Still shaking our heads, we stood up. "We should probably get going now. This time, let's REALLY do some sightseeing! C'mon! Let's go tear down Diagon Alley!" I high-fived Karen enthusiastically.

Hermione sighed and shook Harry awake.

Ron also looked resigned in a wise-man-deciding-he-can't-control-incorrigible-youngters-like-ourselves way (apparently, he's trying to take the older brother role after his intimidating wizard role failed miserably). "Yes, we might actually have to BUY something that's on the school list. (Wow, _someone's_ learning how to be sarcastic.) Ron said, "Let's get going then, I don't want to drink this muck. Anybody got some Muggle money to pay for this?"

"Excuse me, mister-unsmarty-pants, it's not called 'Muggle money'. It's called 'money'...not that hard to pronounce. Say it with me, 'moooooooneeeeeeey.' Got it?" I poked him hard.

Karen poked him on the other side. "Yah, we don't want any discrimination from you. One, that's totally uncool and intolerable. Two, you sound very stupid saying 'Muggle.' And four (Jodie: Four? Where did three go?) (Karen: He went on a lunch break.), if you keep doing it, we will prevent you from doing so with a little persuasion," she held up one clenched fist, "and reason." She held up her other clenched fist. (So much for a 16 year old tough guy...he actually FLINCHED!! I know. We aren't even that scary! ...Well maybe a little bit...okay, maybe a lot. Anyhoo, back to the unscary Karen) She continued, " Personally, I prefer reason. I'm better at it and you won't feel a thing 'til you wake up the next week with your nose in the place where there should've been a brain. Or would've been in your case, as I am beginning to doubt there's anything in that general area of your anatomy."

"Of course, if you don't like either, I can just convince you by...well, iono, slipping a hint to you-know-who that you want to you-know-what to you-know-who." I patted his shoulder.

He looked at me in horror. "You--you--you...WOULDN'T do that! ...would you?

"Do what?" I answered back blithely, walking toward the cashier. After paying, we walked back to Diagon Alley to continue our...well, escapades.

Hermione whispered to me, "What was that all about?"

I tried looking innocent (It was difficult; innocence does not look good on me. My face deserves far better.), "No idea."

But things started getting ugly after that.

"Harry?" Turning around, we saw a slim and, well, short Chinese girl heading towards us.

"Er...Cho?" Was our hero's smooth reply. And THIS was who was going to save all wizard-anity, and possibly even the Muggle world, from the impossibly powerful serpent dude, the one who can look into a person's eyes as he murders them and _enjoy_ it? (Karen: T.T We're screwed.) (Jodie: I hear ya, girl.)

Startled, Karen and I looked at each other. She poked me and said, "Hey, I guess there are people in this world shorter than you." Glaring at her, I looked more closely at the one Chinese girl Rowling had deigned to put into her story. Sure, she was pretty, but in a cliche and bland kind of way. She looked like the kind of model you'd see on an American Eagle ad but would forget about the next day...and she was short. Deciding to give it a try, I looked at Karen. At a nod, we jumped forward, knocking Harry over in the process (as usual), and proceeded to say, "Hi, ni shi Cho, dui bu dui? Hmm...wo men do jue de ni de ming zi ting qi lai bu xiang Zhong Guo ren de ming zi. Haha, mei guan xi la. Ni yao dang peng you ma? Wo men zhi dao ni da wo men...mm...san shui, ke shi, hao xiang ni xue xiao li mei she me Zhong Guo ren."

I added, "Oh, dui, wo shi Jodie, hai you..."

"Wo shi Karen," Karen finished with an inviting smile.

...

...

...

After too many moments of silence plus a few more, Cho ventured (-gasp-, she speaks!) "Er...I don't speak Chinese."

BOOM! CRASH! The long dormant Mt. Fuji erupted. Venice was thrown under the ocean by a massive tsunami. Dorothy came back from over the rainbow as tornadoes terrorized Kansas. KAPOOSH! ZAPEEUU! Hermione became dumb! Karen became smart (Karen: Hey!) Harry stopped sleeping!! ZAAAAAAM!

"Oh...My...GOD!!" I yelled into her face. "HOW CAN YOU BE CHINESE YET NOT SPEAK CHINESE!? STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF AND GET RID OF THE SCOTTISH ACCENT!! YOU'RE CHINESE FOR BUDDHA'S SAKE!! YAO XIU! WA GA LI PA! DIAM KI! DIAM KI!! DIAM KI!! HO YI XI!! BU!! HO YI DA XI!!

"Oh dear."

"That doesn't sound like what you said, Karen, when you were yelling at me a week ago." Hermione said, looking remarkably calm. Either she was giving up trying to make us at least_ act_ normal, or she was just plain used to it.

"YAO XIU!! YAO XIU!! YAO FREAKIN' XIU!!"

"That's because, Jodie's not cussing in Mandarin. That's Taiwanese she's ranting in."

"Well...what is she saying?"

"Hm...well, my Taiwanese isn't as good as hers, but the gist of it is 'Darn you, I wanna hit you, shut up, shut up, shut up, die, no, die from being stepped on' or something along those lines. Oh yeah, and she also said, 'Darn you, darn you, darn freakin' you.'"

"Oh well, that doesn't sound too terrible or anything. At least she isn't cussing or anything."

Hearing that, I stopped (I think Cho actually tooked a step back at that) and turned my head to interject, "Actually, I omitted the cussing for ickle Ronnykins sake--don't want them to be a bad influence on him. But I'd happily insert them back in if you'd like, and maybe even add some in Korean..." I turned back to face Cho. "YAO XIU YAO XIU YAO XIU YAO X--"

Behind me, Ron swore darkly under his breath. (In English. He just doesn't have my knack with languages.) Karen put her hands on her hips, attempted a Mrs. Weasley look (which was hard since she never met her) and said, "See?? SEEE?! THIS is what happens when you listen to Jodie cussing! WHAT did I tell you?! But NOOOOOO, you just HAFTA learn these bad words! SHAME on you, Ron! SHAME!!"

At that, I found time to stop (again) and say, "I know! Why do you hafta listen to me cussing?! Geez RO--NO, CHO! You are not going ANYWHERE!! I'M NOT DONE YET--COME BACK HERE, YOU!!"

"Oh dear...should we stop her?"

"Nah."

"Oh. Ok."

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After scaring the beheebejies out of Cho, we continued on our way back to Diagon Alley. Here and there, we picked up what we needed. Among those included 2 cauldrons (they were smaller than the ones you see in movies), quite a few books, and some really disgusting things that it was made certain were for Potions class and not (Karen and I were greatly disappointed to find out) for dumping into Ron's pants. So, dragging the three wizards along, we happened (happened as in not purposely looking for) across Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

"wOwEE! It's--it's--all--PURPLE!!"

"Oh no. Karen! AAH! ESKIE!! Don't eat that! Purple isn't even an edible color!! Shit. I feel like I have 2 dogs to take care of."

"I know how you feel, Jodie. I had that exact feeling 8 days ago."

"I KNOW! I SO get you! ...Wait...8 days ago was when you met us. Hey...are you trying to make a point there, Hermione?"

"Er..."

Sighing, I looked around. Yes, everything was purple and quite impressive, truth be told. We heard--okay read--it was big, but...purple?

"Karen! Get back here already!!"

"When pigs fly..." she shot back.

Damn...a little respect maybe? I mean, I AM the older one! I ducked as a pig flew over my head. A purple pig. How many of those do you see in a lifetime? Before I could head over to her, a voice whispered into my ear, "Well, well, well, look what the wind blew in. Founders of the Gay Malfoy Act, ey?" I did a jump-twirl thing and found myself face-to-face with a tall, lean, hazel-eyed boy that looked like he could be on one of those bags with people on them that Karen always brings back from her shopping sprees at one (or a few) of those expensive and preppy name-brand stores. She always insists that whatever she bought on sale...but her idea of cheap could be debatable.

Her definition of cheap: OMGOSH! UNDER 50! IS A MIRACLE!!

My definition of cheap: WOOT! UNDER 5!!

Ha! Contrary to Karen's belief, I do have my mature moments. But, back to the hot stranger...

He was leaning casually against the wall, hands in pockets, staring at me intently...and he had red hair.

"Jeezuz! Don't do that! You scared the randomness out of me for a moment there."

He said with a well-practiced wink and an easy smile, "Sorry. Couldn't help it."

Karen interrupted and said while examining a lavender star necklace that guaranteed the wearer to win the heart of whomever stays in their presence for the next hour while wearing it, no doubt compiling more creative ways to express her evil side, "Oolala. Hazel eyes, huh, Jodie...you've got better taste than I thought."

I death glared at her (our silent face signal for "Shut your trap I'm playing hard to get"), and turned around to face the guy again to continue, "For the love of Pete. Your are SO lucky we aren't in the States, or I'd sue you for sexual harassment. You gotta be, like, half a decade older than me!" I scoffed at The Twin. "By the way, I'm Jodie, your ickle bro's constant tormentor, and that weird lady in the corner pretending not to be watching us but who is actually checking you out is my friend Karen."

The weird lady in the corner waved and said blatantly, "Your store is totally awesome. Dude, it's all like...lavender!!"

Tactfully (and thankfully) before she started listing all the lavender things they had, the Weasley replied, "Yes, that I have noticed. I, my dear brother's tormentor and her weird lady friend, am George, the smarter twin." George bowed elaborately.

He was elbowed to the side by his clone who cut in quickly, "And I'm Fred, the handsomer one."

"HA! 'Handsomer' isn't even a word! See, I told you, baby...I'm the smarter one."

"Two of them fighting over little old you? You sure know how to reel 'em in Jodie." Karen laughed at me.

I whispered back to her, "In your face. While you can get hot guys, I can get hot AND rich guys, with a sense of humor to boot, not to mention two of them at the same time." (Karen: HA! Like once every ICE AGE OR SO!! Hehe ahh well...I'll let you enjoy it while you can (Aka no teasing--or at least not TOO much.), which isn't very long, I assure you.) Turning around and flicking my hair in her face, I went back to hottie reeling. "Anyhoo," I cut in before they could get in a fistfight (I'm considerate in that way), "you thought the Malfoy thing was pretty cool, huh?"

Both of them chuckled at the same time...which was sorta creepy. "It sure was. We've done a few things here and there to the slimy salamander before, but never anything as imaginative and...permanently damaging as that."

"Well, although I'm sure you would have gotten there at some point, I think you just needed a more..._feminine_ point of view." I eyebrowed Karen, and she nodded.

After a 5 second pause, we both burst into song. "I'M A BARBIE GIIIIIIRL IN A BARBIE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!! YOU CAN SOMETHING WITH SOMETHING SOMETHING!! LALALALALALALALA SOMETHING LALALA--!!"

"Wow, impressive. Even though you didn't know the words, you both stayed in tune and in time with each other." George sidled even closer, ignoring our obvious attempt at creeping them out (which, obviously, wasn't working). "So, lovely lady, how 'bout a drink?"

"Hey, sure, I would love one! As lo--"

"Nuh-uh, we gotta get back to school now, Jodie." Karen flashed a quick smile at the twins before pulling me away and then pushing me towards the door as she called back in the general direction of the magical people, "Don't we, Hermione?"

Startled, Hermione looked up from inspecting a blob of lavender goo that apparently could morph into anything. "Oh, yes, of course. Um, see you, Fred, George. Harry! Ron! Let's go!"

"Wait, wait, WHAT?!" I spluttered as I was hurried out the door. "HEY!! I want that drink!!"

"No, Jodie, you don't want that drink. You _want_ to go back to our little magical school where we will proceed to discuss the fragile boundaries of flirting inappropriately."

"Flirting INAPPROPRIATELY?! EXCUSE ME, MS. MY-EYEBALLS-ARE-JUST-SO-DANG-ITCHY-WHEN-I'M-AROUND-MALFOY!!"

We started shouting at full force at each other, hurling insults back and forth.

"DOUBLE-PLAYER!"

"EYELASH-BATTER!!"

"SUCK-UP!!"

"CELLO-HUGGER!!"

"ESKIE-WORSHIPPER!!"

"LAVENDER-FANATIC!!" I bellowed.

"SHORTIE!!"

I thought I heard a lady whisper to her companion as they walked around me, "How can something so small make so much noise?"

I think I saw red.

"DISRESPECTFUL, IMPOSSIBLE, UNGRATEFUL, FLIPPERY, FLUMMERY, FIIIIIISH!!" I yelled at Karen.

Hermione the Peacemaker quickly stepped between us, saying in a peace-making tone, "Girls...can't we resolve this in a dignified and peaceful manner?"

Karen and I stopped our showdown to look at her, and then back at each other. Turning to Hermione, we said at the same time, "No."

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JN: And that's all for now!! Hope you liked it...i realized that as we move along, our writing becomes smoother, less cheesy, and more random. Aren't you proud?

Quote of the Day: "Some days ... the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again." – Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy


	7. Jodie's Note

Jodie's Note:

Just a calm and serious reminder THAT THE FIRST CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN!! AAAAAAHH!! YAAAAAAAYYY!! ENJOOOOOOY!!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ICHIGO!!

or as a Ichiruki fangirl...should I say CHAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ;P


	8. Vulcan Deathgrips, Milk, and A Sharpie

Karen's Note: Hello my luverlAYEs! AYE LIKE IN EYE OR I OR i (Jodie: or AAAAIII!!!). Miss me much? XD It's been SOOOO boring in school without a way to vent off random ideas (hehe), so LET'S GET RANDOM PEOPLE!!! OOH! New quote of the day!: "I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as me." ROFL WHEEEEE I like Apple Jacks. So…if you ever see me on the street or in like a supermarket or something…GET ME ONE!!! (Please?) Hmm well I guess that wouldn't really work...how 'bout you just buy some and eat 'em and think of me? :) YEY *looksthoughtful* *whisperstoreader* Jodie said I was scary earlier. I told her not to be jealous. *LAUGHSMANIACALLY* (Jodie: o.o;; *edgeaway* *fallsoffchairtryingtoedgeaway*) Oh, and just for those of you who don't know, Jodie's HECKKKA freaked out by spiders. Knowing that might make the plot of this chappie sort of easier to understand. That's all for now my faithful(ish) followers on KARREN'S SUPAH INTELLECUMACALLIT MIND!!!! (Jodie: …I believe it's intellectual. And you spelled your name wro-) SILENCE! *smilessweetlyataudiencce* *turnsaroundandpullsoutmaceandstartswhirlingatmenacinglyatJodie* *callsbackovershoulder* Read on good soldiers whilst I defend the fort! (Jodie: …You make no sense even in your own world.) SHSFJEIJSHUSH!!!!!!!

Professor Trelawney really has the thickest eyeglasses I have ever seen.

"Really girls, what were you thinking?! Those tea leaves were for reading, not for making your bubble milk or whatever you say you were doing over--over---," she yelled over the din as she gestured with flailing hands at the burnt walls across from the area where Jodie and I had previously been occupying.

The kind professor had been alerted to our off-topic activities by a series of loud and enthusiastic emerald green and periwinkle explosions and a great deal of smoke after Jodie had added some "milk". Contrary to what she had thought, it was actually what Trelawney put into her crystal balls to make them all cloudy and mysterious. It was milk alright (at least Jodie had gotten that part right), but she had had the misfortune of a curled-up label, covering the first few words, namely "Acromantula" (although "HIGHLY FLAMMABLE" in big red block letters was a pretty big thing too.)

Hence the fact that Jodie had bolted out of the class once she'd found out what the stuff really was, but only after pausing to say dramatically, "I'll be back!" in a true Arnold Schwarzenegger fashion. She was now in the girls' bathroom trying to scrub the skin off her hands, leaving me behind to deal with an angry teacher that smelled oddly like my grandmother's mink shawl, a screaming class that was running around in panic, and half a classroom filled with ink-black smoke.

A typical day for us, in other words.

After the enraged professor finished her lecture on the proper respect of The Tea Leaves - well, technically, she had been mid-lecture when her face went sort of blank and she walked over to the window to point at the sky, saying, "Oh, what a pretty butterfly!" (hey...that sounds kind of like something someone I know would DEFINITELY do...*cough*JODIE*cough*), but that's alright -, I followed the examples of the rest of the class, which had seen the opportunities of such a situation and long done a Weasley.

I ran out of the class with the weird smells and the weird teacher and stopped once I was in the somewhat deserted hallway. Safe.

Then I realized that I had absolutely no idea where Jodie had gone.

Sure, she'd said she was going to the bathroom. But do you know how many bathrooms there are in Hogwarts?? Let me tell you.

Too many.

I made my way up a random flight of stairs muttering darkly under my breath about the many times Jodie had pointed out to me the necessity of specification, but when it'd been her turn to live up to her own expectations, she'd pointedly failed. I wandered around aimlessly along the corridors and various levels, looking for a bathroom - well, technically for Jodie, not the bathroom, I mean.

Twenty minutes later, I finally got bored and sat down on the bald head of a short warlock statue with a scowl fixed on its face (that curiously reminded me of Ron) for a short respite. I mean, I value Jodie highly and all, and I did want to find her, but I decided that if Jodie didn't pop out from somewhere in front of me within the next ten seconds, I was going to go adventuring without her. I had a score to settle, too, you know.

I started to count to ten in my head while scuffing my toe on the stone floor. On the count of seven, I gave a start. There was a loud echoing disturbance in what had started to be a disturbingly quiet quietness. I looked around.

"Jodie?" I asked.

All occupants were glowering towards one general direction; apparently, most of them had been dozing in the hot afternoon and had been woken by the sound.

Well, Jodie didn't appear. Some random old grandpa painting had sneezed mid-snore, producing an unnatural sound I'd never imagined possible, let alone actually heard before. The long, stone corridors furnished with tacky alabaster flooring (Powerful witches they may have been, but if Rowena Ravenclaw and Helena Hufflepuff had chosen the color themes for this particular area of the castle, they - may they rest in peace - had no taste at all. Even Jodie can tell lilac and puce don't go together.) seemed to have magnified the sound.

I'd thought it been a cow choking mid-moo on a piece of grass. But I politely refrained from saying anything. (You know, that's me, polite and all.)

Noticing that the ten seconds had been over quite a while ago, I said to nobody in particular, "Well then, I'm off!"

I think some of the paintings looked at me weirdly. Stupid moving paintings.

Still grumbling about inconsiderate best friends, I set off again, now with the noble objective of spreading randomness to the world (a disease the world seems to be sadly in desperate lack of.)

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Good old times, I thought nostalgically as I sprinted up what must have been my eighth staircase. Following hotly on my heels was one pissed off caretaker. He was in much worse shape than I was, however. Frequent bouts of being chased by various people for various reasons such as: a) petting a kitty that just happened to be Professor McGonagall, b) being wrongly blamed as the one who drew pictures of Ichigo and Rukia all over Ron's essay (Ron apparently thought that it was an attempt at poking fun at his so-called "relationship" with Hermione. He doesn't seem to realize that Hermione doesn't have black hair, and that he, himself, isn't hot. Then again, J.K. Rowling never said Ron was a genius, did she? Jodie looked suspiciously innocent amid all the finger pointing.), and c) toilet papering the Whomping Willow (believe me, I'll never do that again), had me still breathing normally and capable of thinking nostalgic thoughts. Filch, on the other hand, needed to chase more people around (and I have a feeling he will this year, what with some interesting new additions to the Hogwarts roster, namely two of the Chinese persuasion...)

Anyways, this time I was caught innocently renovating the bathroom wall with squiggles of random anime fan pictures, before, of course, signing Jodie's name in the corner with my ever-present sharpie. (TAKE THAT MISS OH-I'LL-JUST-FRAME-OTHERS-FOR-MY-BAD-BAD-OOPSIES.)

He was hobbling up the stairs, not at all with my bounce and inexhaustible vitality (just gimme some Apple Jacks and you'll see), breathing extremely heavily and only just managing to spit out, "Come...back here...you!!"

His attempted speech ended in a little gargle.

"Your method of communication is crude and appalling," I shot back regally. "And, quite frankly, you smell like crap." I wrinkled my nose at him.

He snarled and my eyes brightened.

"Are we starting an Edward approach now?" I asked with mock-excitement, referring to Stephenie Meyer's brilliant creation. (Jodie: Wait...that's not right. Edward is smexy. Filch...isn't.)

Filch gritted his teeth and bolted after me with renewed strength. In turn, I, too, resumed to run.

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I first caught a glimpse of tousled smoky dark brown hair, so brown it almost seemed black. As I made my way up the stairs, broad shoulders and a lean, muscled body framed in a plain navy blue T-shirt came into view. The back of some faded jeans and a pair of Nike-encased feet followed, and then I was close enough to hear him as he talked to a painting.

You know, if this wasn't Hogwarts, there would be something seriously wrong with that picture.

"-know which way is to the--No, no, come back! Wait!!"

He was trying to get directions from a painting containing a knight in bent armor on an overweight pony. Ha. Fat luck with that, I thought. (The only reason why I was thinking so harshly of the irksome painting was: a) that was the painting that gave Jodie and me random directions for 30 minutes when we first got lost at Hogwarts, and b) he's way cute. The guy asking for directions, I mean, not the knight....or the pony.)

Jodie says I have a tendency to get distracted if there's a tall, potential hottie within a 30-feet radius. I told her not to be jealous. She said that didn't make sense.

My plan to run past, hair flying, shooting him a coy glance as I passed (what can I say - he was in a 30-feet radius of moi wasn't he?) (Jodie: *whispered in an informative tone* This tactic is called "shoving the blame onto an innocent bystander", perfected and oftenly used by the now-distracted Ms. Karen - though breakthrough information from her best friend says that she also responds to the names: nincompoop, weirdo, and 'Hey, you!'. The informant tells the audience to apply the names freely, preferably as often as possible.) (*DEATHGLARE*), plummeted downwards and failed when he turned to the sound of my footsteps, saw a person running madly towards him, obviously struggled a bit internally about whether or not asking said person running towards him was worse than threatening a painting with physical harm, before he called out to me, "Excuse me, miss! Would you happen to know where the good Professor Dumbledore's office is located?"

At least, that's what I imagined would happen. Isn't that what they always do, speaking in British accents and everything?

What he actually did was make up his mind, strengthen his resolution, acquire a determined gleam in his piercing green eyes...and then he stuck out his arm straight in my path.

Woah. Didn't see that coming.

I ran right into his arm, smacking my forehead on his surprisingly hard biceps, sort of rebounded off them, before falling onto the hard, cold, and unmerciful floor, earning a few (undeserved, if I may say so) bruises. (Jodie: Well, considering that sometimes when you do deserve them you don't get them, I think that it's deserving that you deserve them even when you don't think you deserve them.) (Karen: o.O … DID YOU JUST INSULT ME?!?!) (Jodie: Tehe.)

He looked down at me with his emerald gaze, not looking the least bit contrite.

"Hey, do you know where Dumbledore's office is?" he asked me casually, like he capsized people every day. Huh, maybe that's why he had transfer now, so late in the year - because his classmates got fed up with him knocking them over all the time and so he got kicked out of the school. I giggled, before wincing when I realized that that was sort of a weird thing to do when you were just a recent victim of male masochism (so he thinks that just because he can flex and then I'll bounce, dazed, off his rock-hard muscles, he's superior to me? Ohoho think again, you raging sea of testosterone. See the full power of us estrogen vessels!! *pause* Eh...maybe when I'm in better shape. Like when I'm actually able to move at all.), even by my standards. And it's not like my normal-cy compass points anywhere near north. I think the fall bruised more important organs than my outer appendages - specifically one in the upper head-ish region.

"You know," I croaked, still lying on the ground, completely winded. Okay, and I admit my legs were starting to feel a bit sore, too. "You could've just asked." I turned my bruised, sore, and overall much-battered body over to lie on my back, drawing my knees up, closing my eyes from exhaustion and placing the back of my hand over them.

"Yeah," he said with a wicked grin, "I know."

I gathered what was left of my damaged dignity (as I was currently in a vulnerable position, being looked down upon, as it was, and, furthermore, unable to do anything about it, what with having finally run out of gas after running into a number of walls. Or at least, that's just what it felt like, for the most recent time, I mean.) as well as energy, and squinted open an eye I had just closed to give the dark-haired boy a one-eyed glare.

He grinned at me, white teeth flashing.

As I lay there, contemplating whether a good, swift jab to the place where the base of his neck and his shoulders met (note to self: Ask Jodie where exactly you're supposed to jab to execute the Vulcan deathgrip.) would wipe the smile off the cheeky blighter, and how exactly to carry out such a jab, I heard a familiar wheezing gurgle.

Brought a twinkle to my eyes and a fire in my bones, it did.

Like a flash, I stood up. Turning to face the stairs and a limping (not to mention furious) Filch, I promptly waved and sunnily hailed, "Land ho, my radiant rose!" I said conversationally to the green-eyed guy next to me while never taking my eyes off the progressing figure, "Just keep on going," I pointed to the right, "that-away, and you'll get there…somewhere…eventually."

Keep your eyes on the ball, Karen, I told myself. You can only settle one score at a time. Oh ho, but never fret my pretty, I thought, glancing meaningfully at the tall boy next to me, I'll get you back sometime later.

When he caught my gaze on him, I remarked, "As you can see, I'm kinda in a rush," I muttered under my breath, "which I was even before you armed me ever-so-kindly," before continuing, "so I," I bowed with a flourish, "shall be taking my leave." I shrugged and added nonchalantly, "Paparazzi and all."

He gave me The Eyebrow.

Oh my god, he looked so devilishly hot using our secret technique . NO, BAD KAREN. We are on a mission here. He is the future Enemy. But how did he know one of Jodie and my personal movement things?!?!? Did he know the depth of its meaning? Maybe he's a spy - a cute one though...

Then Filch roared, breaking my traitorous train of thought, "I'll get you for that, you insolent slimy rule-breaking twit of a Muggle, if it's the last thing I do!!!"

Hm. Seems he gained more breath now.

"They just love me." I smiled sweetly, playing the innocent school girl.

He snorted and said, green eyes dancing, "I can see that."

Filch was just two staircases away. Time for my parting words of wisdom.

I said hastily, "Well then. I should get going now." I grinned. " I hope you get to wherever you need to go. Oh, and try not to run into any walls. Hogwarts seems to enjoy sprouting random ones at the most annoying times and watch unlucky people in a hurry run into them." I fingered my sore nose.

He passed off a laugh as a sudden cough (o.O I can see right through you, Mr. Laugh At Me And Get Away With It) and said, "I'll remember that."

I gave him a quick smile, took a step up the stairs, then turned and ran back to stuff the Sharpie I had been holding the whole time into his surprised hand (if hands could be surprised). "Here, have a Sharpie. On me. And I won't even charge you for it," I proposed, and then bounded up the stairs two steps at a time, calling back, "Come on, old man! You can do better than that! And I'm sure that wall would have needed a good scrubbing soon anyways!!!"

I heard Filch swear a string of profanities behind me and pound up the stairs behind me. As I raced away, grabbing a fistful of my robes in one hand and lifting them, praying that I wouldn't trip anytime soon, I thought I heard a low chuckle from down below the both of us.

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"No, no! Don't come towards me!! There's too many following you!! Look how many there's already behind me!!" Jodie shouted frantically at me from her end of the corridor as she caught sight of me turning round a corner to run towards her, Filch and a couple of hulking sixth-year Slytherins he'd recruited along the way in tow. She had Crabbe and Goyle on her tail, doing a couple of agile side-steps and dodges as she ran towards me, avoiding their not-so-agile attempts to tackle or grab assorted parts of her body, those pervs.

"Too late," I observed thoughtfully, stepping firmly on the pinky of Filch's outstretched hand that had been sneakily trying to work its way toward my ankle (for some reason, he was crawling on the ground, gasping for air...) before skipping out of his grimy reach and dashing past his henchmen.

Jodie and I collided in the middle of the hallway, in a planned sort of way (the words "sort of" loosely applied). I landed on the ground, holding the upper half of my body (mainly the whole delicate face area) away from the hard floor with the palms of my hands. She ended up in a heroic on-one-knee-with-an-elbow-on-it pose. Dang it, she just has more of a knack for these sort of things. When I fall, I fall. When she falls, she always manages to land looking epic. The unfairness of this cruel world is staggering. *fainting pose* What has a poor, gentle, faultless girl like me ever done? (Everyone: -silence- ...-bursts out laughing-) (Me: -glare-)

Our eyes met and something just clicked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked deviously.

I grinned back.

"Special JK Move No. 55!" Jodie yelled at the cluster of people that were surrounding us in a more oblong than circle style.

Crabbe was startled enough by the sudden (and surprisingly loud and echo-y - apparently stone walls make for good acoustics) outburst to skid to a stop, before tumbling to the ground after being bowled over by the colossal Goyle that hadn't quite been able to stop so fast, mayhaps because of his colossal-ness (you know, momentum and all that shizzaz).

I blinked. "I was thinking more of the 57," I remarked. "It's more fun and leaves us with an easier escape route. And there's less blood to clean up."

"Good point. 57 it is." Jodie's eyes glinted in anticipation.

Our audience looked confused. Well, they'd figure it out soon enough.

"Shall we?" I asked Jodie mock-politely.

She beamed, the epitome of a well-bred lady accepting an invitation to dance. "It's always a pleasure."

To put it frankly, what she did next a well-bred lady would never have dreamed of.

Subtly adjusting herself into a crouch, Jodie positioned herself behind me, staring back at the now hesitant onlookers.

They never knew what hit them.

I whipped my leg out and did an eye-blurring 360 turn like those old kung-foo movies (yeah, about the kung-foo? Not actually true. My mom, a Chinese dance teacher, taught me this trick when I was four, and she'd ingrained into my sub-cranium that the original move was from an ancient Chinese dance, and those movie people had just got it from them, taking all the credit when they'd gone big-screen. Who knew.), tripping the immediate encroachers of Jodie and me's personal bubble (long legs have their advantages). There was an instantaneous domino effect, although the smarter few (and trust me, they were few) managed to leap out of the way before their neighbors pulled them down with them. Jodie then effectively carried out her part and went around dealing crippling blows to those in need - a kick here and there, some to the stomach, others...well, let's just say they won't be procreating anytime soon, though I doubted these sad excuses for men had any means of doing so. When she'd finished slapping a few heads together, she strolled over to my side, whistling cheerfully.

We were two entities surrounded by a sea - fine, pool - of bodies in various stages of either unconscious, groaning, or swelling. I high-fived Jodie, grinning.

She rolled her eyes, a broad grin on her face despite herself, and said, "Too easy."

jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk

We ran laughing straight into Professor McGonagall's withering glare - then walked meekly to our seats looking as innocent as a cloudless blue sky.

The professor harrumphed before continuing the speech she'd been giving to the class before we'd interrupted (ho-hum...), "As I was saying, we are honored today to receive the presence of a new student. Just recently transferred from the state of Indiana of the United States of America, he is new to wizarding ways and to the British country. There was an informal inducting ceremony earlier and the Sorting Hat has decided that he be placed under my care in the house of Gryffindor. I hope that, especially as his new classmates, you will all assist him in every possible way to let him feel comfortable amongst us. "

A wave of murmurs rippled through the class - one easily distinguishable voice (a shame to the very color Lavender she is *shakes head*) whispered the question for me: "Do you think he's hot?"

Jodie nudged my side with her elbow. She cricked an Eyebrow at me with a suggestive smile. Apparently she knew that was the first thing that would pop up in my mind. (And probably hers too. Luckily, she only goes for Asians, or I may have to kill her...WAIT...) I did my thing and ignored her, my eyes intent on Professor McGonagall like she was a Kirkland water bottle and I had been stranded in the Sahara for a week. Jodie sniffed at my snub and turned her back to me, nose high in the air. Meh - I'd make it up to her later. She's a sucker for anything Bleach-related.

McGonagall cleared her throat and the class fell silent once more.

"And so, I now present with great pleasure, Benjamin Aaron Matthew Isolde."

A dark-haired boy ducked through the door to stand at the front of the classroom, returning our curious gazes (or in Lavender's case, just plain gawping) with his brilliantly green eyes.

There was a collective gasp from all the females in the room - and then Lavender fainted.

I rolled my eyes. Theatrics, the lot of them.

His strong jawline twitched, like he was suppressing the urge to burst out laughing. I eyed him suspiciously.

But, as was expected, Benjamin Aaron Matthew rushed to her prone body to help her up. A knight in shining armor. Whoohoo. (sarcastically said) Oh yeah, well _someone_ hasn't been reading their bedtime stories 'cuz knights in shining armors don't go around bowling people over. Trust me. I checked.

"Are you alright, miss?" he asked in one of those deep, husky voices, the kind that you hear before you see the guy, and from it, you can tell he's a good-looking one. (Jodie: Not true. Brendon Fraiser has a sexy man voice, but now he's fat.)

Hey. Wasn't this the scene that was supposed to play out when he ran into _me_? What's up with _that_? I looked on, annoyed.

She batted her eyelashes furiously at him - yes, actually _batted her eyelashes_ - before saying in a simpering falsetto, "I-I don't know what happened. I was sitting there, listening as you were being introduced, and then everything went dark." She wrapped her arms around his muscular upper body and leaned her head against his chest. Oh no, she didn't!!!! "I was so scared," she whimpered, squeezing a few tears out to prove her point. (As if it wasn't already clear as day she just wanted to touch his body. Um, ew.) Benjamin cricked an Eyebrow at her like he, too, could see the daylight, and, consequently, the sad charade she was attempting was seen through completely.

Jodie, once again reunited in friendship with me after the appearance of a common antagonist, jerked her head at the pair of them, then fluttered her eyelashes at me with a great deal of fervor. I returned the favor, mock-swooning behind their backs. We both started cracking up, drawing the attentions of everyone (yet again.) This time though, there was a new person in our midst, and I'd happened to have been lucky enough to meet him earlier...

Benjamin's...or was it Aaron's...no, I swear it was Matthew's...eyes widened as he recognized my familiar face. "You..." he said.

I smiled eagerly as I waited to see what sort of impression I'd left on this one.

"Have we met?"

I slumped down in my seat, the picture of a woeful soul. Failure. Jodie shook with smothered laughter at the newest jab in my already many times punctured ego - I'd already relayed to her what had happened to me as she had been preoccupied in the ladies' room. I raised my head a tiny bit and pleaded, "Not even a smudge of a memory? I've left no mark whatsoever on that block of yours that you call a head"

His eyes narrowed at the vituperative words that flowed off of my smiling lips, but a smile danced teasingly on his lips. The insolent irritant, I swore internally. He _did_ remember me. Mind games, ey? I'll show you mind games. Here are masters at work.

"How rude of me," I remarked with apathetic politeness. Nodding at Jodie, who gave a nod of her own back, we stood and bowed in unison, each rising a little as we named ourselves, saying together, "We are merely gentle Karen and humble Jodie, at your service."

"We are honored to be in your presence, sir," I said demurely, and bobbed a curtsy.

Jodie added shyly, "We've never met anyone near close to the likes of you." She, too, bobbed a curtsy.

I almost choked with laughter at the thought of Jodie being _shy_, but continued on bravely with my unbeatable poker face, "Let me refresh your memory then, sir."

He watched us uncertainly.

I had an audience to impress now. The message I was sending was not for him, but for the class, and more importantly, Professor McGonagall. Lavender, thankfully, had already stopped clinging to him (it).

"I was walking along peacefully, being the timid girl as I am, when suddenly this vile, unspeakable stranger attacked me and I ended up," I hesitated and then continued softly - but just loud enough for everyone to hear - , "lying on the ground." I slipped just the right of horror and shame into my voice, making more out of the scene than had actually happened. You know the saying: where there's smoke, there's fire? Well, I'd basically just done a Karen and changed the rules - and rented a smoke-making machine. Here's the part where everyone starts to run around, thinking that there's actually a fire - when there wasn't. But they couldn't tell, now could they? And that was the brilliance of it. Tada.

Rushing to my side, Jodie patted my back in moral support, shooting glares at one confused Benjamin Aaron Matthew.

Professor McGonagall stood up to do her part. Her face had turned pale as a vampire, her voice appalled as she insisted, "So you mean to say...this man - he assaulted you?" I could see the cogs turning in her brains, the horror at such a scandal - and on dear BenAMa's very first day, too.

I chose my words carefully. "He violently assailed me, ma'am, in the most brutal of ways." Haha. Chew on that.

The class showed a mixture of emotions on their faces - shock, disbelief, horror, grief, confusion, and...suspicion from those who knew Jodie and me better.

Ben's face was unreadable. But he made no attempt to defend himself. Why didn't he say something?

McGonagall turned to him and asked firmly, "Well? Is this true?"

He didn't answer, and he didn't meet her gaze. He just looked at…me. Stared at me with eyes that had turned the deep blue-green of oceans. I didn't understand. Didn't he know what was at stake? What could happen if he didn't stand up for himself? By God, he was going to get himself expelled!! What was he - was that a_ challenge_ I saw in his eyes? Was he _daring_ me to continue the lie I had started? To _let_ him take the blame for something he hadn't even done? What was this? Was he crazy!?!! This had gone _so_ far beyond mind games, it was mind-blowing.

"Mr. Isolde?" the professor asked sharply.

Still no reply.

The idiot. Was it too much to ask for some hot, bright, and _normal_ guys in my world for a change??

I inhaled sharply - and then let out my breath with a delicate sigh of defeat. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

Then, mentally calling myself different variations of stupid for getting myself in such a fix, I answered for him. "No, professor. He didn't do it."

OMGEE DISCLAIMER haha cannot forget this... x] NO I DID NOT FORGET THE DISCLAIMER. (Hehe.)

_Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Rowling except for me, Jodie, my Sharpie, and my Barbie. (AND MATT, YESH CANNOT FORGET HIM. x]])_

Karen's Note! (Again!): DUNDUNDUN CLIFFHANGERRR…Don't hate me and don't get angry that I took so long writing this AWESOME chapter (hinthint) and REVIEW LIKE CRAZY, and I might update faster. ;) YESH KAREN IS WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER AS WELLL (Not that Jodie knows this buuut…OH WELL TOO BAD. LOLL) BECUZ SHE HAS HAD A REVELATION: SHORTER CHAPTERS=QUICKER UPDATES=MORE REVIEWS! :O Yes, I do surprise myself with my awesomeness sometimes. XD LUV YAAAA. KAREN


	9. BAM, Pencils, and A Bunny

_Disclaimer: Again, we don' t own anything. I do, however, own a certain Polish hotdog. That is all._

She turned back to me, dumbfounded, and said, "But...you - didn't you say he-?"

I sighed, feeling quite the moron, and replied, "He didn't. Honestly." I raised three fingers. "Girl Scout's Honor. Cross my heart, and hope to die..." I frowned, then added, "Well, not really."

The confusion on her face slowly morphed into murderous fury. Brace yourselves, men, I thought weakly to myself. Sigh. That's me. Always with a sarcastic remark lodged somewhere in that confoundedly brilliant head of mine, even when I'm about to be devoured by vicious British schoolteachers.

A deadly silence followed my words, swelling and intensifying as every second slowly ticked by. The entire class held its breath with dreadful anticipation. Then, when I thought the room might explode with the building tension, McGonagall's hard words sliced through the dangerous atmosphere.

"I will not tolerate such impertinence from the likes of you, Miss Karen, protection of the Ministry or no," she said, pale eyes snapping. Her voice was clipped and sharp with restrained anger. "Six weeks detention. I shall see you at seven in my office to explain the details of your punishment." She added frostily, "Let it be known that this sort of tomfoolery will _not_ be tolerated."

Jodie glanced at me pityingly. She had yet to be caught and fined for her mischief. Bah. Some sort of protection _this_ was. Note to self: have a little talk with the Minister of Magic about the terms of his so-called "protection" - and hey, I wouldn't be surprised if a little Reason was tossed in for good measure, but that was expected.

But for now, I knew my match when I saw it. Seeing no mercy in her flint hard gaze, I lowered my eyes in acceptance of the punishment I'd been dealt, my mouth set in a grim, defiant line. Stupid Matthew. Stupid professor. Stupid pitying Jodie. And most infuriatingly, stupid blasted overconfident me. I bet Matthew was somewhere back there smirking his fat head off. And to think I'd thought him cute.

Through my lowered eyelashes I saw McGonagall turn back to her desk, when a chair scraped as it was pushed back.

Then a voice said, to my utter amazement, "Professor McGonagall, I really must protest to the punishment of Miss Karen."

I looked up, startled. Matthew stood a few rows in front of me, facing forward with the same stanch resolve I'd seen when I'd first met him – (when he'd decided to knock me out.) He continued, green eyes grim, "She really never meant any harm."

What in the name of Jodie's phobia was he doing _now_?

"In fact," he plowed on, despite McGonagall's impassive face, "she had my prior permission to accuse me so upon my entrance."

He spoke with the calm assurance of someone who knew full well what he was talking about. Being the object of his defense, was it just me, or was it weird that I had no idea what the heck he was talking about? That was gibberish coming out of his mouth, not English! Jodie looked at me in bewilderment. I raised my hands the slightest bit in a helpless gesture of "who knows?", equally confused.

"You see, we were...experimenting, to see the reactions of the recipients of such news for further study - although we never expected anything quite so serious-"

"You go too far," McGonagall snapped, her voice menacingly low with cold fury. "An experiment, was it? If _that_ was the case, then I will happily see the _both_ of you in my office tonight." Her hard gaze fixed on his, she asked in a scary voice that suggested that there really was no choice whatsoever, "Have I made myself clear, Mr. Isolde?"

I expected him talk back or complain, or at least protest in some way, but Matt merely nodded.

"Now, may I please go back to teaching my class, or must you challenge me in that perspective as well?"

He held her gaze for a moment, then turned his back to her and walked away. The gazes of every single student in the class were trained on him as he made his way down the aisles of tables, our hearts thudding in time with each step he took. He stopped abruptly in front of the row of desks where I sat, and calmly took the seat next to me. His eyes flicked back to the front of the classroom to a fuming McGonagall and gestured towards the board, "Please."

As the professor started her lecture on the animation of inanimate objects after satisfying herself with one last glare in our direction, I relaxed and propped up my chin on my hands, my elbows resting on the table, and said under my breath to my defender (and now fellow inmate) while never taking my eyes off the board, "Well. That was gallant, I suppose. But mostly stupid."

He grinned recklessly back at me, not bothering to cover his actions, "Well then that makes two of us."

I raised an Eyebrow at him.

"Oh," he said ambiguously. "I meant the stupid part, of course."

I did what any self-respectable teenage girl would have done in my place and whacked him on the arm, hearing a very satisfying 'smack'.

Unfortunately, so did Professor McGonagall. Her sharp eyes were immediately focused on us once again. "Do you wish to spend more quality time with me, Miss Karen?" she asked with cold precision.

Deciding six weeks was more than enough time to get to know her – in fact, it might have been a bit too generous - , I cringed and said meekly, "No, professor."

Her wary eyes studied my face intently for a brief moment before she resumed talking to the class.

Free of her piercing gaze, I sighed at the dismal path the present day had taken, and proceeded to doodle random designs in my notebook to alleviate my current state of gloom. It helped, as it always did. My favorite part was drawing two circles with little heads and arms and legs sticking out, labeling them 'Ron' and 'McDonald's Hair', and prodding them with my pencil.

Matt eyed me for a while before asking if I realized that I was grinning idiotically to myself while poking my paper. Jodie assured him that this was considered perfectly normal behavior for me. I ignored them both and continued to gleefully poke at my drawings.

I was woken from my poking-induced stupor of delight by McGonagall's announcement of "Understood? Now that I've covered the basics, let us begin!" I had managed to catch a few words of Professor McGonagall's speech, but they were a serious few.

"Uh. Jodie?" I poked her with my pencil.

"What now," she grumbled.

"Ah…you _were_ listening to that whole speech McGonagall was giving right?"

Jodie rolled her eyes and said, "Obviously _you_ weren't." She muttered under her breath, "As usual."

I gave her my most winning smile. "Just checking."

"I shall now proceed to pass out your inanimate objects," McGonagall's voice carried clearly across the room. "Everyone please remain seated until every student has received their item, and then you may get up and form groups to discuss your objects."

With a wave her wand, McGonagall produced a basket out of thin air, filled with seemingly nondescript items you might find left to collect dust on a shelf in a garage. She began to hand out objects to the class, starting with me and Matt. She also managed to give us a warning no-nonsense look in the half of a second it took her to reach into the basket and give us each an object.

I watched as the Professor proceeded down the tables, paying attention to what objects others were getting and taking note of any interesting and/or promising objects others were getting.

Lavender – a mummified lizard, white cloth wrappings and all. Ha. Dean – a soccer trophy. Hermione – a tiny statue of a winged horse. Jodie – a handkerchief with a crane embroidered on it in turquoise silk. Harry – a peculiar quill that shimmered in the sunlight. Ron – a raisin.

"Professor, are you sure there isn't some mistake…?" asked Ron, eyeing his raisin doubtfully. "Is the animation of a raisin even possible?"

"Why so skeptical, Mr. Weasley?" was her dry reply. "Surely I wouldn't give you something that wasn't?"

"Would she?" Matt leaned over to ask me softly.

Apparently not soft enough, as McGonagall turned her head slightly in our direction and gave us a small, discreet smile. I swear, if the lady winked at all, she would have. Matt and I couldn't help but grin back.

And so the first tenuous tendrils of friendship (or enemy-ship, however you saw it) grew between Benjamin Matthew Aaron Isolde and me. I didn't have to say I was grateful, and he certainly didn't have to point out he'd somewhat saved my grateful butt by sticking up for me. There was just a mutual – albeit grudging (on my part at least) – and silent sense of both acceptance and companionship.

When McGonagall finally worked her way to the front of the classroom, she announced in her clear voice, "All right. Everyone should have an object in front of them. Before we even attempt at animating anything, I want all of you to write twelve inches on the object in front of you. You must study it; even the most insignificant details you must memorize - every line, curve, and decoration. In order to animate it, to give it life, one must first imagine it alive. Only if you know it well and by heart will its true character come to you, and only then will you be able to bring it to life. You have thirty minutes to finish your manuscripts. We will read our essays aloud to the class after everyone has completed the assignment in order to fully ingrain the object into our minds. You may ask your peers for help if you'd like. You may begin."

The stone floor protested loudly as chairs were scraped across its surface. There was a buzz in the air, a sudden frenzy of people milling about, as people rushed to find their friends. The hum gradually abated as people started to settle down and discuss (The topic of which was questionable. I, for one, heard Lavender discussing Matt's biceps and hard abs, which she had apparently discovered when she had been feeling him up/hugging him.), gradually building up into a flow of chatter that filled the room, one voice overlapping the next. I stayed in my seat, too tired and a little too lazy to get up, waiting for Hermione and co. to come to me and Jodie instead.

A pale hand darted lithely into my line of view to pick up with long, slender fingers the paper that lay on the wooden table in front of me. I turned my head in surprise to see Draco Malfoy hold up my object for a better look, the sunlight illuminating his golden hair and pale skin so that he almost seemed to glow slightly. I admit that the sight of him made my heart skip a beat (or two.)

His eyes flicked from my object to my own eyes before he lowered the slim piece of paper.

"A photo?" he asked with a teasing smile tugging on a corner of his mouth.

"Is there something _wrong_ with my photo?" I asked, a trace of defiance slipping into my voice. I leaned towards him to take my picture from his admittedly beautiful hands, and caught a whiff of the faint smell of vanilla. Needless to say, it smelled good.

"No," he said, still smiling. "But I'd imagined you'd have gotten something more…creative. I've happened to notice that, well, fascinating events that could be described as trouble seem to happen around you more often than the average person. I wouldn't have been so surprised if, say, you had a peanut to match dear Ronald's raisin," he laughed.

This time I checked to make sure McGonagall's back was turned before I smacked Malfoy.

Malfoy rubbed his arm a bit ruefully, but seemed unable to keep the playful smile off his striking face. The fact that I still found him unreasonably good-looking even when I was annoyed only made me more annoyed.

I scowled and told him, "If all you're going to do is insult me, then I suggest that you buzz off."

He grinned and patted my head, saying, "I probably should go start my essay."

I continued to scowl.

"You really shouldn't make such ugly faces…It doesn't suit you," Malfoy said. "I'll see you later," he promised suggestively, winking.

"In your dreams, Barbie boy," I glowered back at him.

His expression never changed despite my reference to our latest mishap. "Oh, and about that…"

I froze as he suddenly leaned over until his face was inches from mine and whispered into my ear, "I'm impressed." I shivered as his cool breath tingled on my skin. He took a step back and raked my body from head to toe with long, slow, and all too suggestive look. "And still very, _very_ attracted," he promised, his voice low and husky.

And then he was walking away, looking impossibly tall and hot among the other students swarming around chaotically. When I managed to tear my eyes off his receding figure to turn back to the table, I was surprised to find Matt still languishing in his seat next to me.

"You staying?"

When he just shrugged, I raised an Eyebrow and informed him, "I know of a number of girls who will be _very_ disappointed to hear that."

The group of girls that had been inching towards us, all smiles, giggled on cue.

Matt turned with ease to his fan club and gave them a player's easy smile. More giggles erupted from the heavily make-uped (and much less heavily clothed) girls.

He saw me roll my eyes and regarded me thoughtfully for a moment before jerking his chin towards the direction Malfoy had left. He drawled, "Well that was interesting."

I bristled. "Was it?"

He smirked at me and said, "He'll hit on just about anything with two legs, won't he?"

Okay, and _that's_ when I blew up. "The _nerve_ of you," I sputtered with indignant anger, all feelings of comradeship evaporated. "I don't believe you have any right to be talking, mister." Matt recoiled a little from the intense venom I'd infused to my voice. "You and your - and your -" Incapable of continuing for the outrageousness of the extreme hypocrisy Matt was spouting, I gestured violently, enraged, to his horde of fan girls. They also recoiled a bit too. I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest. "So you just stay out of my business, because I'm not complaining about you and your man-whoring."

There was a silence after my words. Matt looked utterly shocked by my outburst - before bursting out in uproarious laughter. I looked at him with a raised Eyebrow before glancing at Jodie, who had finally finished inspecting her handkerchief, and conveying a "I TOLD you he was psycho." look. Ignoring the "Uh. No you didn't." look she shot back at me, I turned my attentions back to a still-laughing Matt.

"Seriously, dude." I prodded his prone figure, which was draped across his chair, one hand holding his stomach and the other covering his mouth, his shoulders shaking inconceivably hard. "Are you…okay?"

His tremors receding slowly, Matt sat up straighter in his chair, wiping the tears from his eyes. "So the bunny has some bite," he mused, his eyes glinting with amusement, a wicked smile on his face. "And what a bite indeed."

"Bunny?" I asked, enraged once more. "I am no _bunny_." I spat the word out.

"Yeah, dude," Jodie added. "Have you ever seen such a freaky tall bunny?" She jerked her thumb at me with disbelief.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" I turned on my best friend. "Somebody's just jealous, okay," I stated matter-of-factly, rolling my eyes at her.

**Karen's Note: It's been awhile guys. :) I just unearthed this document in a forgotten corner of my computer, and I thought it would have been a waste if I didn't post it, even if everyone has already forgotten about our story haha. Ir brings back such memories… Jodie and I are both going to be seniors next school year. Although in two different countries halfway across the world from each other, we're still just as close. And this fanfiction was started when we both were in..eighth grade, I think? It's been crazily fun. Thanks for reading this, LOTS OF LOVE, JODIE!**


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